Hope Not...
[some movies i highly recommend-in no particular order, Silent Hill, I Not Stupid 2 (Singaporean movie) and The Last Castle. please catch them if you can]
so back to my main post.
I attended a philosophy lecture the other day with Tine...
the lecture was about suffering, and the facilitator said, there are three things/words that usually rouse one's suffering. they are "should've, would've and could've.
thoughts or conversations that contain either one of these 3 words are usually the remorseful type.. theres always the shadow of regret.
such as..
"you could've called..."
"i should've studied harder..."
"he would've known..."
these things are usually the thoughts about others or themselves and they definately took them for granted, but when things didnt swing their way, suffering follows.
those 3 words can be summarized into 1 word - Hope.
i know this post will be very cynical and pessimistic, but its a phase im going through at the moment and i would like to share it out.
"Hope is the only but the 1st step to a million dissapointments" i got that somewhere somehow, but it resonates heavily within myself atm..
and another quote - "they say in a relationship there is one that loves more than the other." and i really hope it isnt me. selfish? maybe..but hear me out..
im a self consuming lover, i can love someone so much i become a burden to myself. i channel these destructive energies upon myself by mutilating and hurting myself so no one else gets hurt. it is really unhealthy and it may be the death of me someday.
so deciding not to love, might just be my survival ticket..
or...
i can love and hope for nothing in return. that is the fabled "unconditional love" only parents are capable of carrying out to their children..
makes me appreciate my parents even more whenever i think about that.
before anything else, thank you Dad and Mom, sure isnt easy being you guys. there is a definition of love somewhere in the bible as well... Corinthians 13 if im not mistaken, which Iris/Asta/Maria reminded me about, and i find that the closest to the truth of what love really is. i am unable to provide you with that verse atm, because i dont have a bible with me, i am not a christian either.
i have not achieved that state of enlightenment where i can provide unconditional love, but i can try...
so back to my main post.
I attended a philosophy lecture the other day with Tine...
the lecture was about suffering, and the facilitator said, there are three things/words that usually rouse one's suffering. they are "should've, would've and could've.
thoughts or conversations that contain either one of these 3 words are usually the remorseful type.. theres always the shadow of regret.
such as..
"you could've called..."
"i should've studied harder..."
"he would've known..."
these things are usually the thoughts about others or themselves and they definately took them for granted, but when things didnt swing their way, suffering follows.
those 3 words can be summarized into 1 word - Hope.
i know this post will be very cynical and pessimistic, but its a phase im going through at the moment and i would like to share it out.
"Hope is the only but the 1st step to a million dissapointments" i got that somewhere somehow, but it resonates heavily within myself atm..
and another quote - "they say in a relationship there is one that loves more than the other." and i really hope it isnt me. selfish? maybe..but hear me out..
im a self consuming lover, i can love someone so much i become a burden to myself. i channel these destructive energies upon myself by mutilating and hurting myself so no one else gets hurt. it is really unhealthy and it may be the death of me someday.
so deciding not to love, might just be my survival ticket..
or...
i can love and hope for nothing in return. that is the fabled "unconditional love" only parents are capable of carrying out to their children..
makes me appreciate my parents even more whenever i think about that.
before anything else, thank you Dad and Mom, sure isnt easy being you guys. there is a definition of love somewhere in the bible as well... Corinthians 13 if im not mistaken, which Iris/Asta/Maria reminded me about, and i find that the closest to the truth of what love really is. i am unable to provide you with that verse atm, because i dont have a bible with me, i am not a christian either.
i have not achieved that state of enlightenment where i can provide unconditional love, but i can try...
posted by Killl_Roy at 10:30 PM
2 Comments:
hey there. =)
It's 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. I'm a sucker fot those verses too. You can fish out the exact words easily off google, or alternatively - my blog.
anyhoo. many at times i think about those words and i don't think it's ever possible for us to love the way it is described in the bible. no doubt, we can always keep trying, and that's probably a good thing.
[i'm not about to preach to you don't worry]
I myself have no idea what is it that love make us the way we are and we become. For me, I go rock bottom and irrational and emo - I think you'd be familiar w/ it if you've been reading my blog every once in a while for the past four months.
I do hope you can find an alternative to channel all the pent-up energy to something else... you'll never know if another person would be affected if anything happens to you.
For now, stay alive and stay afloat. See you around dude.
For once I am elated.Why? Becuase the word you used "HOPE" should be "EXPECTATION" not hope. - ye.. I could point out your wrong choice of word.
Hi CSW, nice to 'read' you.
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