Role Reversal

i think theres been a mistake..
i never had an angel or a goddess or a diety watching over me.

(***WARNING egotistical statementS ahead WARNING***)

i think ive become "it". there are so many things i want to just "slap it on your face" and make sure you see it, like a true religion, but heaven forbids.

its really like what i have predicted, this is the longest "angel and mortal" game ive ever played. trying to help and protect someone but doing it discreetly?

its tiresome.

like how god doesnt just raise the ocean from the floor, or, split the sky in two or detonate mount everest for the sake of recruiting disciples. doing those said above then go "TADAAA! im god! beleive in me for i have the capacity to detonate stuff! *looks at you waist down*"

why he/she doesnt do that no mortal shall ever know. same here, i dont know why i would wanna do these things.

i come home everyday waiting for that star-adorned name on my computer screen, to my dismay shes hardly there, never even.

unlike the "real" gods that we know, any prayer or questions she would ask, i will answer almost immediately. any worldly help she require, i would be more than happy to do it.

i know how Jesus feels now, "all you have to do, is accept and believe". hehe, pretty weird huh?

ive been rejecting Christianity since the 1st time it has abandoned me. now i can feel its calling, but being the hard head that i am, im going to deny it again. just like it has done to me.

besides, theres no "karma" in christianity. so theres no cause and reaction :)

anyway,

if theres something in the world i want to do, it would be just telling her...

"I am right here..."

i hope god would tell me that in my face. but im pretty sure thats not what she wants.

its tiresome what im doing, but i dont see the reason to stop, nor the reason to continue. i will let "Fate", decide for once.

and boy isnt Fate slow..