Hansel And Grettel

(nevermind the spelling, never really read that book anyway, and listening to "The Misfits - Where Eagles Dare")

The reason why ive been such an atheist and an arse is because whenever i really needed divine help, i never get them. "if you are sincere, all gods will come to you" so says all religion... "surrender yourself to god..." is another popular one.. but even if i do, i would like to know where my energy goes to?

i scream into the darkened sky, and i hear no echo.
i question the questioner, i hear no answer.

so i then ask myself, "whatthefuck am i doing?" Faith betrays me time and time again(or have i betrayed my faith?). again. im stuck in a "slow revolving car crash" (Wess :2006) and when then crash stops, i often find myself crawling out of the burning wreckage all by myself. im so sick of it, the next time that happens ima just stay in the fire and burn all my frustration away.

so thats about religion... now for a more humanistic subject topic.

ive recently found my Goddess. i completely surrender at her feet, and i suffer a bitter defeat.

like my previous experiences, i get no echo...i get no answer. i get no sign, no signal no indication. quite the oposite infact. i feel as if she shuns me. but here i am, still defeated, still humble in her presence...i havent threw my hands up and say "bah forget it..." ...yet... but something tells me that will come in the distant future.. in fact, even now i cant see myself giving up..

its a long journey through the forest. i have to walk, with no end nor exit in sight...no bread crumbs to follow...guess im on my own?