Phase One?
there are several phases in a metamorph, i think i might just call this little camp ive been to in the past 3 days the 1st phase?
so Easter Camp,
as far as i know, or seen it...its an evangelist movement - with all the OCF (Overseas Christian Fellowship) members feeling the obligation and responsibility to spread the Gospel (Gospel is good news apparently). so here i am, in Kingsholme 2 hours away from Hobart CBD.
Thruout the camp ive done things i havent really done in my life before, namely saying grace before every meal, having prayer sessions, devotions, praise concerts and bible studies even. well, i HAVE done SOME of those previously, but it wasnt consistent at all.
Having said and experiencing all those, having preached about Jesus Christ is the Son of God that he died on the cross as a ransom for our sins(Pastor Larry), i kinda lapsed into a train of deep thoughts... back to the days when i was a christian..after renouncing Buddhism, then went Aethist to Satanism to Hinduism to Sathya Sai...
in all those religions i have been thru a tough time each.
thruout the camp we were constantly asked "if you are stuck in life, or having problems making a choice, you can always ask the Lord for guidance and wisdom.."etc..
now what is "stuck" and "problems making a choice", i got around asking a few people, and their problems in choices were either whether they should continue studying here? or go back their home country? or change a study faculty?
the choice that i had to make at those dark times of my life - was whether i should live? or die?
towards the last day of the camp, during a praise concert i was constantly attacked by flashbacks from my past. the clearest one i had, was me holding a blade on my right hand, and my eyes fixed onto my left wrist..pondering and even longing to see my own blood abandon my body... let the world fade to black, like the end of a good song.
i closed my eyes
and i cried...
i still dont know why i did, to save myself the embarrasment i left the chapel and sat down under a tree where Simon came over and consoled me. hes a good guy. praying for my well being, my future and my very life. i want to say thank you again, but i seriously doubt Jesus Christ or God himself can alter the reality of the hurt from my past experiences...
what really amazed and touched me, wasnt God or any messaiah "he" sent, but rather HOW the people have become from holding onto this faith.. i must say these people, have seen something, so divine and pure and all that is holy that i cannot,havent and maybe even refused to see.
i felt the love not from any divine being, but by these very human beings.
we played a game called "Angels and Mortals", where every person is assigned a mortal t take care of and they themselves are guarded by another angel. the angel's identity was revealed at the last day...but really, i felt that i had more than one angel, quite a few ..no...i think almost everyone was truely and angel to me. i am indeed touched.
My angels were :
-Simon (who brought me to the camp in the 1st place)
-Peter who slipped a keychain into my envelope containing a very coincidental message i had in mind
-Daniel Moe who drove us up to Kingsholme
-My assigned angel who sent me caramel milk in the cold night
-Zee Hame who showed me how to make coffee with an authenthic coffee machine, then giving me the product in the end to enjoy
-Joshua for serving me my dinner at my laziest moment (didnt wanna que for food)
-The twins Jeretine and Jereline who were just there and be completely adorable, yes i do adore the both of you to the core
-Daniel Lim for making an apprearance and calling me "an open minded person"
-Jason or being such a good leader and lending me your guitar at night
-Anna for being such a good mortal
-Jehn for the chirstianity lesson and conversation
-Adeline for playing with me the name calling game, causing me to be alert all the time
-Brian for the humour
-Sher Wen for coming up with those amazing camp games
the list will go on to about 80 people i think...just wanna thank all of you
what really repulsed me was the sermons and workshops..where the problems of life were integrated completely into the Bible. i wont elaborate on that but those were the few short moments where i really resented the camp.
this Easter Camp, has pryed me even further away from God...but has drawn me very much closer, to humanity.
so Easter Camp,
as far as i know, or seen it...its an evangelist movement - with all the OCF (Overseas Christian Fellowship) members feeling the obligation and responsibility to spread the Gospel (Gospel is good news apparently). so here i am, in Kingsholme 2 hours away from Hobart CBD.
Thruout the camp ive done things i havent really done in my life before, namely saying grace before every meal, having prayer sessions, devotions, praise concerts and bible studies even. well, i HAVE done SOME of those previously, but it wasnt consistent at all.
Having said and experiencing all those, having preached about Jesus Christ is the Son of God that he died on the cross as a ransom for our sins(Pastor Larry), i kinda lapsed into a train of deep thoughts... back to the days when i was a christian..after renouncing Buddhism, then went Aethist to Satanism to Hinduism to Sathya Sai...
in all those religions i have been thru a tough time each.
thruout the camp we were constantly asked "if you are stuck in life, or having problems making a choice, you can always ask the Lord for guidance and wisdom.."etc..
now what is "stuck" and "problems making a choice", i got around asking a few people, and their problems in choices were either whether they should continue studying here? or go back their home country? or change a study faculty?
the choice that i had to make at those dark times of my life - was whether i should live? or die?
towards the last day of the camp, during a praise concert i was constantly attacked by flashbacks from my past. the clearest one i had, was me holding a blade on my right hand, and my eyes fixed onto my left wrist..pondering and even longing to see my own blood abandon my body... let the world fade to black, like the end of a good song.
i closed my eyes
and i cried...
i still dont know why i did, to save myself the embarrasment i left the chapel and sat down under a tree where Simon came over and consoled me. hes a good guy. praying for my well being, my future and my very life. i want to say thank you again, but i seriously doubt Jesus Christ or God himself can alter the reality of the hurt from my past experiences...
what really amazed and touched me, wasnt God or any messaiah "he" sent, but rather HOW the people have become from holding onto this faith.. i must say these people, have seen something, so divine and pure and all that is holy that i cannot,havent and maybe even refused to see.
i felt the love not from any divine being, but by these very human beings.
we played a game called "Angels and Mortals", where every person is assigned a mortal t take care of and they themselves are guarded by another angel. the angel's identity was revealed at the last day...but really, i felt that i had more than one angel, quite a few ..no...i think almost everyone was truely and angel to me. i am indeed touched.
My angels were :
-Simon (who brought me to the camp in the 1st place)
-Peter who slipped a keychain into my envelope containing a very coincidental message i had in mind
-Daniel Moe who drove us up to Kingsholme
-My assigned angel who sent me caramel milk in the cold night
-Zee Hame who showed me how to make coffee with an authenthic coffee machine, then giving me the product in the end to enjoy
-Joshua for serving me my dinner at my laziest moment (didnt wanna que for food)
-The twins Jeretine and Jereline who were just there and be completely adorable, yes i do adore the both of you to the core
-Daniel Lim for making an apprearance and calling me "an open minded person"
-Jason or being such a good leader and lending me your guitar at night
-Anna for being such a good mortal
-Jehn for the chirstianity lesson and conversation
-Adeline for playing with me the name calling game, causing me to be alert all the time
-Brian for the humour
-Sher Wen for coming up with those amazing camp games
the list will go on to about 80 people i think...just wanna thank all of you
what really repulsed me was the sermons and workshops..where the problems of life were integrated completely into the Bible. i wont elaborate on that but those were the few short moments where i really resented the camp.
this Easter Camp, has pryed me even further away from God...but has drawn me very much closer, to humanity.
posted by Killl_Roy at 7:59 PM
1 Comments:
Heard of this story ?
There was this very religious man who believes wholeheartedly in God.
Then one day, the river banks gave away and water started rising. It rose and rose, the neighbourhood is evacuating, so the neighbours came .. "Mr Tan, the water level is very dangerous already, we are moving to higher ground, come join us."
Mr Tan said "No, I have faith in God, I am not leaving."
The water level rose, almost all villagers have evacuated except Mr Tan, he was sitting on a table inside his house. The Red Cross men came in sampan searching for flodd victims, they wanted to bring Mr Tan in their boat, but he refused waiting for God's signals and helps.
The water level rose again, Mr Tan was sitting on his roof top. the Recuse Team came in helicopter, throwing down ropes for Mr Tan, but he refused to take it. " I am waiting for God to help me." He said and still refused to receive the so called human help.
Result?--- Mr Tan was drowned and of course he went to heaven. He filed a compliant to God, saying that Gos never came to help him.
God said, " The first time , I came as your neighbour, you do not want to heed me. The second time I came in a boat and you did not want my offer. The final time I sent in a helicopter and you rejected help, now you complained that I never helped.
God = man who knows he is god.
Man = God who does not know he is God.
Bye..
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