So its that time of year again.
Christmas, for you very very, ill-informed people. Spirits are high, everyone is dandy and happy yay. But being in Australia during this iconinc season is .... ironic. 1st of all, despite growing up in a country located smack center of the tropical belt, i have come to think that Christmas, is daed synnonymous with snow. just like the words "serial killer" and "Dhamer". or, "Gin" and "Tonic" and "ice".
you cant really have one, without the other. no really, you cant.
imagine chugging down a glass of pure gin. not that bad yeah? but imagine, chugging down the same glass of pure gin, except this time, its been microwaved so its hot as hell.
thats how Christmas in Australia is like. Tho it bothers me alot, which is eccentric in itself because i had never spent a Christmas in a snowy place before and yet im complaining. It doesnt seem to bother the locals here tho. They celebrate Christmas much like any other country that celebrates Christmas-
Christmas trees lined with cotton to simulate snow... Christmas lights weaved into the aforementioned cotton... Toys.. Presents... people wearing Santa suits and the silly red cap (its a miracle they dont die of heatstrokes *Christmas Miracle*) all of this under a hot scorching sun.
so yeah. they seem to enjoy it just like anyone else would, except for a few... which brings me to this:
So i was onboard the Spirit of Tasmania II, on a cruise to Melbourne from Tasmania to meet up with my family and friends.
the boat is awesome, the last time i was on a cruiseship, i was only wee little, and thus cant remember much. i remember rolling around in the green carpetted floor, playing "catch" with the other kids as wee as me... and thats about it.
so this time was a good opportunity for me to re-explore the wonders of being stuck on a huge piece of floating metal.
onboard, there were cafes, a restaurant, many, many alcohol bars, pokies machines, 2 computers for asians to log onto QQ (1 dolla fo 4 minits btw), lounges with flatscreen TVs which air the latest episode of Surivor, even a Theaterette, showing Rush Hour 3.
(
Seems like fun if you have a group of the right friends travelling with you, or a girlfriend, which at the time i had none with me.
Being unable to enjoy the facilities completely, i only limited myself to my seat E26. sounds like a good number, but its a crappy seat- not window nor isle.
Reading a little sci-fi Novel "Life, The Universe and Everything" by Douglas Adam who also wrote "Hitch-hike's guide to the Galaxy", i was content.
but the need for sleep soon overcomed me and i slumped into my "ocean-view recliner" like a corpse.
before i did that however, i had the common-sense to wrap the strap on my bag around my arm, and also around the reading lamp fixed on my seat, just incase...you know...
i dreamt. of a few things. one of which was not a dream however- in the midst of my deep sleep,
A man came and sat next to me, said that the seat next to me was his, so he sat down, and i had to withdraw my arm which my bag was attached to, from there before he could. he also said "theres a space under the chair where you can put your bags..."
so i did as told as well. and, after that, it was nothing but blackness.
i woke up to a tinge of orange on my face, the sun was rising, and its rays are cutting through the infinite vastness of the ocean and onto the ship's starboard side.
earlier i had planned to wake up to the sunrise, have a coffee on the sundeck, basking in the golden rays coupled with the chilling breeze on my cheeks but at the same time hugging my coffee mug. but id like to see well while doing that, so i reached into my bag and dug out my contact lenses...
something was amiss however, the wethers original's i had in a bag have all spilled out in the insides of my sling bag... the envelope containing my plane ticket back was missing.
"have i left it in my car? hmmmm"
oh well, i'll check when i get back to my car. Then i remembered i had a coin sack, filled with spare changes just incase a parking meter in Melbourne was going to Rob me of. but alas to the meter, someone had beaten it to it.
i was robbed, without me knowing.
/sigh
ah shit, here we go again. its the end of year and i am here again, WITHOUT my FRIGGIN plane ticket.
so i did what anyone would do after they get burgled - i went and took a manly piss.
before i got to that tho, a man followed me into the loo, and asked me..
"did you lose something?"
"oh hell yes" i replied, trying to muffle my anger and sadness with an enthusiastic sigh.
this samaritan told me, he saw someone sitting next to me, and going thru a bag. he assumed it was his own.
"ahhhh".
so we both went to the security counter, and gave my details etcetc. the security guard took out a notepad and wrote down the things ive lost with the utmost precision and clarity.
i did my part as well, giving him descriptions of the things ive lost.
-a clear sandwich bag full of spare Australian coins, roughly about 8-10dollars.
-my plane ticket, which has my name stamped on it, and is bound for KL.
-a Casio branded camera, Exlim model. I even told him what pictures were in the camera.
the guard, after hearing the descriptions of the burglar given by the samaritan, said "i think i know who youre talking about."
apparently a few other people have already lodged this incident. a few other people were hit and they all gave the same description.
the guard told us to wait at the counter, and called us to the office soon after.
he came out with something in his hand.
a clear sandwich bag... In it, were alot of Australian coins, a few pieces of paper which later turned out to be my ticket, a silken bag which held my camera and a single, foreign note. It was 50,000 Indonesian Rupiahs, in a single clean note.
"he mustve thought he had hit the jackpot this fellow here".
i lol'ed
then the guard continued,
"we found all this in his knapsack. and when we asked him 'are you going to Malaysia?', the culprit paused a while, tilted his head back abit with both eyes slightly stretched open and said '....yeah'".
i lol'ed again.
this has gotta be the worst thief in history. the only reason he had gotten so far was because he was robbing the worst passangers in history.. im ashamed to admit im one of them.
but really, to pull of something like this, the most important thing the thief has to consider is an exit strategy. and the only, i mean ONLY exit strategy you can get when youre pulling a job on a boat, is swimming out.
unless you have another pontoon or vessel that could carry you out before your victims realize what they are missing or before the ship docks.
OR, if you can yell to your partner in crime "GET TO DA CHOPPA" after you pull off a job, youre basically screwed.
but if you had a boat large enough and that could survive the turbulence stirred by a cruise liner in its wake or a CHOPPA, why would you need to resort to small handbag thievery?
the biggest mistake he has made, is that he kept the clear plastic sandwich bag. i ended up with more coins than before. he mustve kept the loose ones he found on other people in that same bag of mine. I even told the security that i cant guarantee that all of the coins are mine, but the sec-Q said it was okay.
oh well...
back to the theme of words that are synnonymous. The SPIRIT of Tasmania, and THEFT.
that didnt quite work out no?
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as i gratefully collected my things, the guard asked me-
"do you want to press charges?"
immediately the heaps of paper work came to mind, and my mind shut downed from there on.
"ugh, no..."
the guard didnt encourage me in anyway other than nodding. then scribbled something on his notepad again.
besides,
its Christmas, its a time of forgiveness.
Info:
Spirit of Tasmania Cruise,
8pm-7am daily cruise, both ways from Melb/Tasmania
prices vary from 80aud to 500Aud (depending what you like)
Fun for chillout groups
if you ever order steak, tell the waiter/waitress to put the sauce at the side.
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Side story "Conversations of the Universe"
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As i was waiting in the counter for the management to return my stuff that was stolen, a drunk woman i have noticed the evening before was at that same counter.
she wasin her late 30s, had her head shaved clean with punk stud earings, said to the counter girl in a very coarse, almost manly voice:
"i want to speak to someone"
"can i help you miss?"
"yesterday i was as pissed as 10 men, and i didnt know we cant bring alcohol to the decks, your people approached me and took my drinks"
"yes miss"
"well, i want my money back, i paid for the two drinks you guys took away!"
"im sorry miss, we cant help you here"
"i want my fuckin money back"
i saw her yesterday, she sat a few rows ahead of me... people who had put down reservations for the restaurant downstairs were called in by the intercom once their turn was up.
everytime the intercom buzzed, she would bark at it, trying to be witty, replying to messages like
"paging parties Smith, Donna and Roy to the Seasons Restaurant please"
with
"WHAT ABOUT PARTIES PISS DRUNK !#$!^%#@^& AND $#%$&#*&#$?!"
(if you dont understand, its okay, because its unintelligible to start with)
poor woman, shes either really really financially poor to have lost possibly two cans of beer and made such a big fuss about it, or just plain obtuse.
the location in the 3rd picture is called "Jacob's Ladder". reminded me alot of Pass De'Stelvio or however you spell it, on the northern tip of Italy. Except this wasnt made of tar, it was pure gravel and dust. taking the corners at a slow 15kmph still yielded some wheelspins and some planning. going at it at 30kmph would result in a tumble down the hill...
