Fetous?

i have no idea how to spell fetous, damn them education *waves fist in anger*. Anyway speaking of them Davinci Code movie, reminded me of 2004. Right after a History of Ideas tutorial where we watched a reenaction of Davinci's life (part of it even), i suddenly had the inspiration to draw this.

this one is dated 2004

Not So Funny Scary Movie 4

its pretty weird how sequels just gets worse and worse each time the numerical symbols increase eerytime? Scary Movie 1 was a classic, 2 was a let down, 3 was a failure and 4 is simply disastrous!

i managed to catch the show today in a cinema which i dont remember the name.

no its not funny and definately not scary. usually very bad scary movies make me laugh, because being a cynic like me, i am able to analyze a movie from every perspective possible. scary movie just isnt funny anymore...wait that came out wrong.

this movie is a cmpilation of parodies put together, War of the Worlds, Ju-ON, The Village, SAW, Brokeback mountain <---(yes THIS is a HORROR movie) and a couple i dont remember the name to.

no its not funny, get it in your head.

Recommendation : DONT WATCH IT (unless youre doing it with pals like i did)

not really looking forward to Final Destination 3 too..

but X-men "Last Stand" SHOULD be good..



yep added to the To watch list : X3

Manners?

so i was in the library doing some research on my up coming essay. i had a brain-dead moment so i thought id revitalize my thinking capacity with the help of a good cuppa coffee.

so i left my desk with the computer running.

when i got back, i got this note on my fresh piece of A4 paper where i intended to write my findings...


Full Sized Image Here

the funny thing is, i wrote
manners-to define "civilization"
-polie
-good manners
-considerate to others

on the very top side of the page.

so who is being impolite? me or the john/jane doe?


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

really unfavourable things happened in the library today...again i curse my ability to read body-languages.

things are about to change, for better or for worse i dont care. i just hate the idleness.

Reminiscent

Roy Katarn
well looky look what i found? this is dated "02"
thanks Clara for editing the colours for me :)

Deadlier Than Dead

Im friggin bored trying to find stuffs to write about manners.
heres a mannerific site written with such manners you would wanna be a mannerologist yourself...moron...from Mich's website (Links To Ponder)

http://www.flooble.com/fun/horoscope.php

(yay for Apple/Mac.s i cant link a site while blogging on this goddamn rotten piece of an apple of a machine)

because its mannerous, thank you for visiting this site for today.

Just A Thought

Prophecising Pasteur
ever since i started buying cartons of milk regularly, i noticed everytime i pull it out of the fridge i always look for the expiry date, just so i wont swallow a mouth full of sour stuff..

and this is what i discovered-

the best-before dates are always on dates my assignments are due...

freaky eh?

Blissful Blizzard
like most blizzards, the blissful mind can only be ...well...blissful for that long. i like to take a relaxed perspective on essays, always leaving it till the last possible minute before i start writting them down on paper.

and yeah, i am blissful, using ignorance to filter out the reality of things.

but when reality catches up, and you know that theres a 2000 word essay due on Monday, the fact that this assignment weighs 40% in total, i just cant afford to be blissful anymore, let alone ignorant.

this notion does not fall strictly within the confines of uni assignements, i reckon there are events where we can draw the same inference such as this.

dangerous eh?

Without Fire Without Smoke
so i joined

Simon for lunch today at the TUU building.. wont tell you what i ordered, but i did call for a mugg of coffee. shortly after skulling it, a sounds which was so familiar yet irritating rang into my head. literraly...

it was a fire alarm bell..not the high tech *beeps* that you get from a modern smoke detector. this was actually a metal-on-bell bell.

so it went like "RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII- " (i didnt get to head the NGs becuase i left the building before the ringing ceased).

most students just sat there until the kitchen staff came shooing us off. luckily i finnished my coffee... poor Jo, Mel and ADELINE were still half-way excavating thru their lunch.

there wasnt any fire, definately no smoke, didnt smell gas either. was it a drill? fire brigade came tho...

one mystery i dont need to know the answers to, but would like to...

irritating eh?

Imona Nishida

Unyielding Affection and Loyalty to Naomi

Conversations of The Universe

this is a collection of conversations ive overheard while doing the stuffs i do.


Aloysius, Rick, Jerry and I were walking down Swanston St when a group of beautiful ladies came walking up in our direction. as our distance closed, this is what we heard:

Lady 1: youre the fuck face
Lady 2: *at Lady 1* youre the fuck face
Lady 3: *points at Lady 2* no youre the fuck face
Lady 2: *points at Lady 3" haha youre the fuck face
Lady 1: *points at Lady 2 and 3* youre the fuck face


they go on until the moving tram across the street severed their voices from our ears.

shortly after that...
Rick: *at Jerry* youre the fuck face...

...

At the Union House..

unknown male: he was sooo pissed last night he started humping everyone's legs..

...

In a Que at woolsworth, Cahsier comes across some washing powder.

Cashier 1: *to me* shoppers card?
Roy (me): nah
Cashier 1: *to Cashier 2* you wanna hear something bizzare?
Cashier 2: go ahead
Cashier 1: my friend's place got broken into last saturday, and the theives stole 2 tubs of washing powder.
Cashier 2: uh huh
Cashier 1: i mean, dont you think its weird? break into a house and steal 2 tubs of washing powder?
Cashier 2: maybe the had too little to carry
Cashier 1: yeah but still, washing powder~
Cashier 2: is that all they took?
Cashier 1: na mate, they took 2 mobile phones, a laptop, their TV, and dvd player...and 2 tubs of washing powder. is it just me? or i think thats really bizzare
Cashier 1: ...
Cashier 2: *to me* thats 27.50 thanks.

...

At Trevi - Lygon St
2 men in suits sat right next to our table. they were big in build, one out dresses the other.

Man 1: what happened to Jeff?

Man 2: (mumble)

Man 1: okay ill call him *dials handphone and presses it against his ear*, hello? John? what the fuck did i tell you? i told you to take good care of Jeff, hes a good man.

*brief silence*
Man 1: i want those lawyers off him. hes innocent. see what have you done now? hes a good man, i told you to fucking take good care of him.

*brief silence*
Man 1: the video tapes show theres nothing there, you and i both saw the video, theres fucking nothing on the screen. you call those lawyers off.

*brief silence*
Man 1: you say that ONE more time ill deal with you myself. i TOLD you to take good care of Jeff. thats something VERY easy and you didnt do it. if anything happens to Jeff ill fuck you up, you hear me?
*slams phone on table*

...

Engel

throughtout the 20 years of my existance, i guess i am fortunate enough to say i have met 2 heavenly beings - Angels.

Call me cheesy call me naive call me pervert, but both of them happened to be females. i dont go around claiming people to be angels, why did i say what i did is because it is something i have felt. its a feeling words cannot convey.

maybe why i choose to call them Angels is because they are radiant, and distant at the same time. they are out of my reach, out of my bounds.

i am also not claiming that they ARE REALLY from heaven as defined by all religions in the world.

like the 1st, i have personified this 2nd Angel on pencil and paper as best i could.

Holly SHIET!

gentlemen, buckle your buckets... around your neck. this would be more revolting and stomach churning than a 15G-force ride.


Click Here if youve got the iron guts and balls of steel.


well to me...this blog mentioned above is merely a publicity stunt. Not implaying they are straight guys pretending to be gays (the pictures testify).. its just, a publicity stunt. its up to you to decide and judge.

but who are we to judge gay people anyway? i tell you who are we, we are NORMAL men. i can express my resentment towards gays without a problem because it is obviously wrong. morally, religiously and every other human institution in the world (tell me of one which endorses in gay love). this type of behaviour is defiant to mother nature itself!

i remember clear as a cloudless day, at assembly back at high school. i talked to Kee Wai regarding this topic and like usual, i told him i dont like gays. he said ..

"if they do not bother you, why should you bother them?"

although i dont have extensive knowledge on the medical field, i do know one thing and based on that, i replied "do you know where AIDS came from?"

it was discovered back in..1980s? was it? on a gay man. who knows where the fuck his wheener went. today, its one of the top killers in the world.

if my findings above are wrong, please correct me. and i might consider a change of perspective.

but put medical reasons aside, isnt it just revolting? seeing 2 masculine figures locked in a cuddle? or even kissing? (i havent watched "Brokeback Mountain" because i kinda figured ill break my back if i ever lay eyes on that monster of a film) 2 men having sexual intercourse is beyond what my mind can fathom, or would like to.

so gays are different.. this particular line caught me most...

"u hate us because u fear us, u fear us because u dont understand us.. i belive most watched the X-men? the situation is somehow similar, mutants desperately trying to fit into the society despite the difference.."

i hate you because youre a disgrace to the male species.
i fear you because you carry a desease.
i understand you dont understand your body.

mutants are cool, they can shoot lasers, fly, manipulate stuff, have super strength and even walk thru walls...

as a gay what can you do? aside from possibly spreading a viral desease and completely grossing us out with you superflange gay moves *flaps wrist*.

*needs a bucket*pukes*

now that youre gay, and have participated in activites even devils dont do, i hope you STAY gay and all your gay friends STAY gay as well...dont you EVER change your mind and go bisexual or soemthing. DONT you EVER go near a lady and "corrupt" her with your plague. they dont deserve it, but you certainly do.

there is redemption for even the most tainted of souls, but not for you.

another extract...
"at least for me and kero, we've been gay for as long as we knw.. it is not a contagious disease nor a psychological problem... juz cause we're gays doesnt mean we grope every single man we see... like juz cuz ure str8 doesnt mean u have sexual desires for every male/female u see.... and this is not a contagious, please do not treat us like a plague wich will soon wipe out the entire population.. -_-

if ure worried wif the aging or decreasing population, go have more babies.."

precisely my point, you ARE a desease. and yes im sure the DSM- ONCE put homosexuality as a psychological disorder. because there are so many of you these recent days, they removed it? YAY for you



"why not pretend by supressing our feelings- take the easy way out? force yourself to like a girl, die die oso muz marry her, try ur best to make her pregnant so u can answer to ur family, friends, etc?"

reading this, i felt sorry for you. sorry that you have to "surpress" your feelings towards another of the same sex (where did they come from anyway?)

"answer to your family"? im in no position to say this but i will anyway, i can see where youre coming from. there are certain "psychoanalytical" reasons to your behaviour now. use 10% of your IQ to figure it out yourself.




i know ill stir quite a storm by posting this, ive got a few people who are relatively close to me who happen to be gay. it is not natural. this behaviour is "nurtured" by the way our society is today.. i know this is defamatory and insulting, but hey, if they can declare, why cant i?

if youre gay, and you made gay love, please...i urge you. Stay-Gay.

you had your choice and you made it. theres no turning back now.



excuse me while i push my innards back in...

Holly Shiet

today, Arpil 22nd, i did something i havent done before...or havent done in a long time...so long i cant remember that if i ever did it...but anyway, today...

...I Prayed...

for the better of someone...

and after that, i skipped the "amen" part btw, i felt the geebers...like electricity crawling all over me. its like my insides inverted themselves..

then when i was taking a whizz it came to me, i believe there is a god, but he/she doesnt govern our every move..

and when Jesus comes again, we will all be judged right? even the non-believers.. so even for people like me, who do not practice the faith can benefit from the divine powers of prayer? i mean it is only fair that non christians can recieve some amount of help if they are suseptible to god's judgement in the end too right?


still ...solidarity prayers creep the hell outta me

Pyroclasm Barrage

minus the fiery connontations to the title... heres a collection of thoughts and confessions.

Christianity
first of all, i just came back from OCF weekly...uhmm..praise? bible study? its alot like Bajhans i go to alot when i was "littler", except this time we dont sing that much and the talking is inceased.. and in the middle of it all, analyzing some verse some chapter from the bible, it hit me..

ive been a BAAAAD boy.

i need to talk to Naomi, so Naomi if youre reading this, please..come on msn sometime soon k? k.


Fate
so what is fate? is it something determined by god? or just a freaky series of coincidences? or some fluke that happens once in a life time thus seemed significant all of a sudden?

significance...theres this certain someone who is very significant to me in my life at the moment...and she said "fate brings people to you.." and in terms of relationships, she added one day a perfect someone will appear...

...
...
...

okay at this point i really dont know what to say anymore regarding this topic.. so ill move on to the next..

Hunger
Choke said im always hungry..i gave that a thought too and i think ive developed an illness..something uncategorizable. when i say hunger i dont only mean the feeling you ...uhmm...feel when you dont eat...but i hunger for materials..reading materials to be exact... every morning the 1st thing i do is look at my computer, and go to the blogs i usually go to..and usually to my great dissappointment, they are not updated..

i want to read and read and read from the net... too bad i cant siphon this interest to my text books =/

so to all you bloggers reading this, update and update often!!!!!!! dont mass produce tho..ack i dont know what im saying...



okay........ ill stop here...sorry for the VERY inconsistant post that has no coherence whatsoever...but i deem it neccesary to say all that i have said above..

PWNED

strictly a world of warcraft expression? i guess not..

PWNED def. trashed, completely defeated, obliterated
symptoms of getting PWNED include shrinking feelings, the lowering of self-esteem, and if youre a bloke - it hurts your ego. severe cases would include the burying of the entire head into a hole you dug yourself.

example- i got PWNED at a basketball game today by 3 girls :D ... im not good at that game, never was and never will be~

Confirmation

no i wasnt REALLY that pissed and depressed when i wrote the previous post...merely inspired by the fact so many people are depressed at the same time...

but after that post, after a day of classes and some drama practices, i think i am that depressed after all...

i regret learning so much about body language back in EAP subject. i regret being so sensitive to postures and non-verbal signals a person might exibit unconsciously but what is what they are really thingking at the time.

i just want to be

stupid.

blissful.

ignorant.

:(

knowledge is indeed a curse to me.


have you ever had this feeling before? by "this" i mean when you believe in a god or goddess, but he/she is too busy recruiting new disciples and looking for worshippers who are not of their faith previously,and they completely ignore those who are already in the religion?

im feeling that right now...

whats up with the shuriken?

illu. of Boredom

dedicated to J, hope after seeing this verbal illustration, it would help you understand your feelings better.

Have you noticed?

Depression sweeps over the populi like an uncontrolled plague; like the fire of a century burning everyone down like dried hay; like a great deluge drowning everyone in their own miserable tears; like an ebon cloud stretched to the infinite, touching horizon to horizon, masking the human race from any divine assistance.

Our nerves crack and split into thousands of fragments like chain lightning the storm brought along with. They strangle and jab us with their forked presence and leave as swiftly as they came. Several instants of insanity, numerous frames of rage but the worst as yet to end – the eternal immolation from the flames of boredom.

The rain then starts to fall, Soaking and painting us and everything around with a shade of dark grey. Robbing the color’s joy from the joy of colors, suffocating all that is cheerful and energetic. The pour doused the landscape, our source of inspiration and with that gone, doused our spirits and will as well. The only thing the rain has failed to reduce is the burning embers from under our bare-naked feet. We trod on grounds where the Flame has trodden. We walk, at the mercy of the Ashes.

We stand… at the brink of oblivion by flame.
We stand… at the brink of extinction by Rain.
We live… by the strict script of an authored play,
We live… in the shadows of a living plague.

The plague corrupts not only the temples that we prize dearly, but the conscience we prize ever so more. The only Grey that we like liquefies and hemorrhages from within. Casting the grey a dye of rosen red, but the scent was far from the fragrance of the color. It smelled of Death itself, in our own heads now gushing out like the Rain and burning in like the Flame out of every pore we have.

The blood of life, falls off our noses onto the ashen ground. The ground stings at our blood as they reunited. The ground hissed and coughed a pillar of abyssal smoke. There was a brief moment where the orange embers turned brown then black. But fueled by its comrades and fiery brothers in arms….

It returned an ember glow, as its Vengeance grows.
Doused not the flames of woe, Dry not the numbing flow
Calm not the endless rage,
Hinder not,
The advance of age.

This is said of the Kingdom of Boredom, and so it is written

When... Then...

"When things are not as they seem, then they are what you dont believe theyd be"

"When God doesnt help you, then its time to look somewhere else"

"When theres no Death, Life is then Meaningless"

"When Love is Blind, Hate is then Sightful"

"When Innocence is a Gift, Knowledge is then a Curse"

having said the last one...

"When i am cursed for my knowledge, i shall then resort to Silence"

If Only I Could...

there are many "If Only"s in the world..heres one..

"If Only I Could talk to Pimples..."

i would say...

1. not you again?!
2. weve run out of beer, you and your friends will have to go somewhere else...please?
3. hello pimple, meet oxy
4. just a little more...to ...the left...
5. get OUT! GET OUT!!
6. watch out shes gonna blow!
7. gee i wonder what my girlfriend will say about you
8. quick! here she comes! hide!
9. to burst, or not to burst..that is the question.
10. i hope youre all thats left from where you come from
11. get out of my face! literally
12. remember remember the fifth of november
13. you there?
14. lets play hide and seek! ill seek
15. forgive me for i have sinned
16. so THIS is what they call vengeance
17. oh...my...god...
18. *silence*
19. ouch
20. the basins that way

V For Very Good

so, after Visiting the cinema today, i realized iVe got a hell lota moVies i havent and would Very much like to watch..

first i watched "Shes The Man", then the long anticipated and highly recommended "V for Vendetta".

V for V is not your aVerage action flick with lots of fighting and all...nor is it a classical superhero or anti-hero, heroic film... now haVing studied journalism in uni, i got to know what the "Fourth Estate" is, and it has helped me understand the moVie in a depth more deep that usual.

not going to reVeal anymore than that about the moVie.

there is howeVer, ONE fatal flaw in the moVie. they screwed up the props..see if you can detect it... its completely inconsistent with the story.. will post the answer here a few days/weeks later.. other than that, the plot of the moVie is flawless.

so to cut my gibberish short, V for Vendetta is a must watch, if you haVent, let it be your next "t watch" moVie...if you dont plan to, you should. the quotes in the film are just...beautiful.


"Voilà! In view, a humble Vaudevillian Veteran, cast Vicariously as both Victim and Villain by the Vicissitudes of Fate. This Visage, no mere Veneer of Vanity, is it Vestige of the Vox populi, now Vacant, Vanished. However, this Valorous Visitation of a by-gone Vexation, stands Vivified, and has Vowed to Vanquish these Venal and Virulent Vermin Vanguarding Vice and Vouchsafing the Violently Vicious and Voracious Violation of Volition. The only Verdict is Vengeance; a Vendetta, held as a Votive, not in Vain, for the Value and Veracity of such shall one day Vindicate the Vigilant and the Virtuous. Verily, this Vichyssoise of Verbiage Veers most Verbose so let me simply add that it's my Very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."
-V







heres my personal "to-watch" list:
1. Take the Lead
2. DaVincci Code
3. Eight Under
4. Fastest Indian
5. Superman (returns?)

Emo God

This site is cool..

recommended by Tim

Hansel And Grettel

(nevermind the spelling, never really read that book anyway, and listening to "The Misfits - Where Eagles Dare")

The reason why ive been such an atheist and an arse is because whenever i really needed divine help, i never get them. "if you are sincere, all gods will come to you" so says all religion... "surrender yourself to god..." is another popular one.. but even if i do, i would like to know where my energy goes to?

i scream into the darkened sky, and i hear no echo.
i question the questioner, i hear no answer.

so i then ask myself, "whatthefuck am i doing?" Faith betrays me time and time again(or have i betrayed my faith?). again. im stuck in a "slow revolving car crash" (Wess :2006) and when then crash stops, i often find myself crawling out of the burning wreckage all by myself. im so sick of it, the next time that happens ima just stay in the fire and burn all my frustration away.

so thats about religion... now for a more humanistic subject topic.

ive recently found my Goddess. i completely surrender at her feet, and i suffer a bitter defeat.

like my previous experiences, i get no echo...i get no answer. i get no sign, no signal no indication. quite the oposite infact. i feel as if she shuns me. but here i am, still defeated, still humble in her presence...i havent threw my hands up and say "bah forget it..." ...yet... but something tells me that will come in the distant future.. in fact, even now i cant see myself giving up..

its a long journey through the forest. i have to walk, with no end nor exit in sight...no bread crumbs to follow...guess im on my own?

Unconditional Love Guaranteed

Dont Need a God to praise...




i Need a Goddess to Worship

Phase One?

there are several phases in a metamorph, i think i might just call this little camp ive been to in the past 3 days the 1st phase?

so Easter Camp,

as far as i know, or seen it...its an evangelist movement - with all the OCF (Overseas Christian Fellowship) members feeling the obligation and responsibility to spread the Gospel (Gospel is good news apparently). so here i am, in Kingsholme 2 hours away from Hobart CBD.

Thruout the camp ive done things i havent really done in my life before, namely saying grace before every meal, having prayer sessions, devotions, praise concerts and bible studies even. well, i HAVE done SOME of those previously, but it wasnt consistent at all.

Having said and experiencing all those, having preached about Jesus Christ is the Son of God that he died on the cross as a ransom for our sins(Pastor Larry), i kinda lapsed into a train of deep thoughts... back to the days when i was a christian..after renouncing Buddhism, then went Aethist to Satanism to Hinduism to Sathya Sai...

in all those religions i have been thru a tough time each.

thruout the camp we were constantly asked "if you are stuck in life, or having problems making a choice, you can always ask the Lord for guidance and wisdom.."etc..

now what is "stuck" and "problems making a choice", i got around asking a few people, and their problems in choices were either whether they should continue studying here? or go back their home country? or change a study faculty?

the choice that i had to make at those dark times of my life - was whether i should live? or die?

towards the last day of the camp, during a praise concert i was constantly attacked by flashbacks from my past. the clearest one i had, was me holding a blade on my right hand, and my eyes fixed onto my left wrist..pondering and even longing to see my own blood abandon my body... let the world fade to black, like the end of a good song.

i closed my eyes

and i cried...

i still dont know why i did, to save myself the embarrasment i left the chapel and sat down under a tree where Simon came over and consoled me. hes a good guy. praying for my well being, my future and my very life. i want to say thank you again, but i seriously doubt Jesus Christ or God himself can alter the reality of the hurt from my past experiences...

what really amazed and touched me, wasnt God or any messaiah "he" sent, but rather HOW the people have become from holding onto this faith.. i must say these people, have seen something, so divine and pure and all that is holy that i cannot,havent and maybe even refused to see.

i felt the love not from any divine being, but by these very human beings.

we played a game called "Angels and Mortals", where every person is assigned a mortal t take care of and they themselves are guarded by another angel. the angel's identity was revealed at the last day...but really, i felt that i had more than one angel, quite a few ..no...i think almost everyone was truely and angel to me. i am indeed touched.

My angels were :
-Simon (who brought me to the camp in the 1st place)
-Peter who slipped a keychain into my envelope containing a very coincidental message i had in mind
-Daniel Moe who drove us up to Kingsholme
-My assigned angel who sent me caramel milk in the cold night
-Zee Hame who showed me how to make coffee with an authenthic coffee machine, then giving me the product in the end to enjoy
-Joshua for serving me my dinner at my laziest moment (didnt wanna que for food)
-The twins Jeretine and Jereline who were just there and be completely adorable, yes i do adore the both of you to the core
-Daniel Lim for making an apprearance and calling me "an open minded person"
-Jason or being such a good leader and lending me your guitar at night
-Anna for being such a good mortal
-Jehn for the chirstianity lesson and conversation
-Adeline for playing with me the name calling game, causing me to be alert all the time
-Brian for the humour
-Sher Wen for coming up with those amazing camp games

the list will go on to about 80 people i think...just wanna thank all of you

what really repulsed me was the sermons and workshops..where the problems of life were integrated completely into the Bible. i wont elaborate on that but those were the few short moments where i really resented the camp.

this Easter Camp, has pryed me even further away from God...but has drawn me very much closer, to humanity.

Here We Go...

in response to my own previous post, i have came up with a new blog title.

call me panzy, but ima juxtapose my life with the life of a butterfly. why a butterfly you may ask.

well,

we started off as babies, underdeveloped physically and mentally. all we do is eat. then we learn from instituions and life itself. after all that we bloom into something great (which i intend to do, if not life is completely pointless) and finally we whiter in the winterwinds and die.

much like a butterfly

but the period in which a butterfly is really a butterfly is really short..like 5-7 days? depends on the species. im not an insectologist for crying out loud.. butiva countered that, for i want to bloom as long as i can.

so here we go.

Title of Your Biography

my mom said im "always inviting splinters(headaches) into my life, because of the name i chose for my blog which she equated with my , biography.

so anyway, after a momnet of consideration, yeah i figured its time i turn over a new phase for my life...headaches arnt fun. no they arent..

asked my mom again for opinions, she said her biography had soemthing to do with "new chapters". like everyday is a new chapter...

thats really nice...wont give an in-depth interpretation of that but will probably do so in the near future..

now hmmmmmm gotta think of a new title..

calling for a poll here..

what would YOU name your book, if its a book about your life?

Emotional Rollercoaster At Its Very Definition

always wanted to say this..but somehow i couldnt get an audience

so Naomi, my ex girlfriend..
we had a very special relationship, no not the love-on-love-cliche-super-special-package special..

back in year 2000 were we were strangers, friends, good friends, collegue(directing the drama), enemies(after the drama fell apart), *lost contact*, friends once more, good friends, pet-sister, partners, lovers, bitter enemies after the break, *lost contact*, friends, good friends again, and now were something...*unclassified* in a good way of course....

but all that happened over the course of 6 years?

Jadyn on the other hand, my immediate ex girlfriend..

we were strangers on Dec 2005, friends and good friends at the end of December, Clubbin bugs January, spark*bam*boom we were inlove with each other (or is she?) by the end of January. February came too soon and i left for Tasmania, but a large part of me stayed with her (honest).

February - March

March 27 boom, break up.

now we dont even talk to each other. i really want to but she would just ignore me. so how can someone, from the point of complete strangers to lovers then plummet down to a state of nemesis? its funny how this world operates...you take ages to build castles but only 1 cannon ball to break it. the poem i wrote earlier dedicated to her epitomises that, but the things in it didnt relly happen

...it didnt go down in history. nor hers. im just a forgotten pair of shoes in her closet.





"lets be friends" ma arse

Burn The Mornng Oil?

ever heard of "last minute work" ?

well it usually isnt last minute..for an exam for example.to study last minute is to study 1 day before? or at least a few hours. its never minutes...

but here, here i am...doing my work,literally...last...minute, the due date can be gauged in minutes.

wanted to do it on Thursday, but well..i got distracted =p but anyway i attempted numerous times to actually start writting (done the research in the week before), but the inspiration just did come..

its like im feelin it but im not feelin it you know?

even last night..it was 1030pm and i cant think of a good introduction =s so i set my alarm to 4am in the mornin, and i slept without remorse despite knowing a 20% worth essay hangs in arcane equilibrium.

its 800am now..and im here blogging, i guess you guys could kinda guess the outcome eh? =)

not to say im proud of what i did, but....inspiration... premonitions even



anyway, its nice to see the sun rise for once

Phreakie Ztuff

Mind Reader

check this out...

if youre freaked out like i was, dont worry, its an algebraic loop.

even a mathematical illiterate like me could sorta guess it out in the end..why not you try? :)

Dark Revelation

i finally understand why there are people who commit suicide on the smallest problems.

because when they have a small problem, a little talk-to-talk would have solved the matter almost instantaneously...but having 55 contants that are online in msn, i said "hi" to every single one of them and NO ONE replied. you know how fuuking sad is that?

yeah i know IM sad, but if thats what i really am then i can thelp it now can i? im asking ofr external assistance but none comes to my aid.

this is a time where i REALLY feel like swallowing some detol and just drown in my own vomitt. id feel better id reckon.

so dont be surprised if i die in the next couple of days if this goes on.

Blogs

So i leave my blog address as my msn note, and i get some msgs from my friends "huh? you blog? (duuuuhhhhhh) and the next thing they would say is " i thought its a girl thing".

no i personally dont believe blogging is gender specific. and youd agree with me on that..no?

well anyway, i can tell you what a blog ISNT, before i state my reasons and functions of a blog...well my blog at least.

what a blog ISNT

1. a Blog is NOT, i repeat NOT an electronic version of a diary. so if you post "today, i bought a pair of shoes that cost me 99$ and i think its expensive.period" you are just wasting webspace and that you shall be trialed in the Supereme Court on the grounds of treason.

2. a Blog ISNT an advertising space for products or whatever market you might endorse in.

hmmm, i think thats about it...2 things a blog isnt.

but here are my reasons for blogging.

i want to influence, brainwash and cycle peoples minds to see the world in every angle that is mine, and then when i succeed i can recruit my secret, pan-national, single-willed army bent on world domination! wahahahhaha

ooops did i say that out too loudly?

sometimes when you feel like you have no one to talk to, or have some thought provoking ...thoughts, you just want to share them with as many people as you can? but unable to do so because there are boundaries to which how far our msgs can get across to? well, a blog is the solutiion because its available here, a simple address away.

and becuase the internet is so vast, its almost like the universe where if you scream what ever anger and frustration you have into space, it dissappears... without an echo.

a blog would serve the same as shouting into the sea on a beach at night. and for some reason, i find it really healthy for yourself and to others. because by the fluke coincidence that you and another soul across the world have met similiar circumstances at the same time or not, one finding the blog of another where thier lifes has been repeated by this unknown person...it jsut makes you feel that you are not alone.

and that someone, somewhere in this crazy world, theres a little place with a little person, going thru the same shit as you are. i find it generally, a very good feeling.

about thought provoking stuff,

stating an event that happened in your life alone isnt enough, you have got to tell us, what you think of the whole matter. give us a critical analysis of your own life if you must, not to get personal with things, but an interpretation of what you have experienced.

blog sites are like forums in away. without them pesky moderators. i hold conversations with myself (and some of you apparently) and it enables me to talk to myself. not many people do that...call me crazy or schizophrenic (spelling?)

a blog is spontaneous, i never do drafts... much like hwo youwould converse with someone in real life.

youve got a sad moment? a happy one? or have some ideas that you think is worth telling? blog it. and ill be sure to read it

Interpret This

i just woke up from a very tiresome dream...ran half a marathon and what not? broke into a bank using a hammer to chip away the bullet proof glass, evade the sleeping gas released after an intrusion was detected...

but perhaps 2 of the most intriguing part of that long and conplicated dream was...

I, i slept within that dream. i remembered crawling into a large bag that was suspended at the end of two chairs, i put on one of my favourite jackets... i told the last person to get into "bed" to shut the lights (i think it was one of my sisters) and when the lights went out, i slept....and i dreamt, within a dream.

how did i know i was dreaming? because the memories of those dreams were even more vague, and i did wake up back into where i crawled into the suspended bag. it was cold, and i couldnt tell where i was.

the next thing about my dream was, we (a coupld of "friends" and i) were stuck in a 1970s communist russia like trainstation. there were a few of us and all of us were trying to escape.

i was then SOMEHOW /recruitedincluded into the police, i wore a large trench coat and it was,,,green in colour. the yellowish-green. where im sure the rest wernt Russians, and yes, i had a gun. it was a 6shooter..revolver of sorts. i had a maple-like handle, and the body was silver/bronze in colour. i could feel the weight of it even now. the few of my "friends" are now on the otherside. and i was policing THEM. and to my surprise, Jadyn was one of them. she stood amongst the crowd, waiting for a break (to no where) and when the slightest opportunity came, she and my ex-friends ran for the door. but their attempts were quickly subdued.

they were not completely harmless either for they have somehow came across ssome certain explosives and will threaten to detonate them. as we encircled Jadyn and her friends, i aimed my pistol.....dead center between the eyes.

i felt no guilt, nor fear.

she stared back at me, or at the barrel i couldnt be sure. with the eyes saying "you woldnt dare".

i lowered the pistol, and shot her twice in the right tigh....

i later shot one of her guy friends in the temple.

he had short brown hair, was medium built, and about 175cm tall.. dont know who was that but he seemed to be quite close to Jadyn.

All she did was lay before his corpse. and she didnt utter a word. not even a tear. but she did clung to his body as it lay lifeless facing the metallic ceilling above.

i felt... no remorse...

ill probably go back there tonight and finnish the job

Same Deal?

I have been thinking alot lately... too much apparently...

since ive started my blog, which is almost 2 years ago i was an angry soul. snarling, biting and chewing anything that pissed me off, then spat it out right back at their faces. alot of people fell victim to my viscious onslaught, including the ones i love.

in the end, the ones that have been hurt most are the people closest to me, friends, partners, even my family. but perhaps the one who has suffered the most -is myself.

so after these 2 years of my own life's "record", what am i today? the answer is - i am still the same angry soul, snarling, biting and chewing, if not more... but definately not less.

to geek it up abit:
"fear, leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads...to the darkside"
-Yoda

so the green midget speaks of the truth afterall.

its high time to change this old hatred of everything of mine, before more parts of my life is consumed into nothingness by nothing.

Man By The Window

This Drawing might look familiar to some of you...it might not.
but yeah, think its about time i tried something i havent tried before.

Word Warrior

i must apologize to everyone in my address book, because Peter sent me an IQ text link, and my supermouseclickeverything-itis erupted, so i accidentally sent the link to everyone. those of you who hated it, please delete it, those of you who didnt, i hope you will enjoy completing the test.

almost everyone i knew got the same score of 129. except for my dad who got 133, GO DAD! lol

but whats more important is the "comment" they gave which reflects yourself. this is generated, i believe from the types of answers you got correct, there were severral variations and i must admit some got me stumped =/

ANYWAY, the test described me as a Word Warrior

"You are equipped...

with a verbal arsenal that enables you to understand complex issues and communicate on a particularly high level, making you a Word Warrior. Your command of words is so powerful that you are also a terrific communicator -- able to articulate big ideas to just about anyone.

The power of words translates to fresh ideas off paper too, in both artistic and creative pursuits. This allows you to be a visionary -- to extrapolate and come up with a multitude of fresh ideas."



whats extrapolate? =s

Animal Kingdom

i know its a little late but ever heard of the story as a kid? where a monkey drops into a pit? and comes up with an idea on how to get out? no? k ill tell it anyways.

once upon a time...

in the deep jungles of India, there was a clever monkey. but not clever enough to not fall into a deep trench with walls too slippery to climb. so he stayed there.

soon a deer came alog and saw the monkey...

"what are you doing down there?" said the deer

"did you hear? the sky is going to fall, staying here is as safe as it can get" replied the monkey, a lie obviously.

"really? in that case ill jump in too" and the deer did.

the Rhino, the bear, the elephant the tiger the snake and alot more of the jungles creatures passed by the pit with the monkey initially in it, bought the story and joined the monkey.

they waited for a full day when the monkey finally suggested,

"hey guys, give me a boost up, and ill see whats going on? to see if the sky has fallen yet"

they huddled together, forming a giant trampoline (dont ask me how) and gave the monkey a boost.

the monkey shot up into the air and as sure as he could grab the tree branch above, he turned back and yelled...





APRIL FOOLS SUCKERS


brutal eh? hey... theyre animals....

Disclaimer

to the post below,

All of you who have a religious faith/alignment...which i have just throughly offended. all my friends especially, i love you all and please dont be angered by my previous posts.

it was never meant to be personal

Bigotry Bigomy

Set aside the theories of how life started on earth -lightning initiated evolution, humans made from clay, or even descendants of adamn and eve...what ever you wish but consider this question, like seriously consider it...

"why are we in this world?"

dont give me them god's instrument/will/playdoll house bullcrap, think for once, for ONCE in a very basic and practical perspective. not as basic as the continuity of the human race.

my housemates told me, "you should take it easy". like be generous to life, dont expect so much of yourself so you wont expect so much from others. ive always wanted to make an impact in the world to be honest. whereever i go, as much as i would like to go unnoticed and be as subtle as i possibly can, theres always this part of me which wants to let forth a bang and be noticed.

even when playing world of warcraft. when i started that game, ive ALWAYS wanted to a guildmaster, because by doing so, you make an impression in your server. people will know "oo Magnathor the leader of a renowned guild"...i even blog, hopefully someday someone important might stumble on this page and be feel inspired just as i have, when im writing my posts..every single one of them.

the things that i wear, the things that i say and do, ive always wanted to leave a signature of my own in the minds of the people who have been exposed to me. my call sign "KilRoy" was a craze in the UK a few decades back where people would spray "KillRoy was here". and the reason for all that? just to make an impression.

recently ive been taking up cooking as well, i cook very often for my housemates and for some reason, i love to adorn my food. making sure they have a good blend of colours, cleaning the sides of the plate where the sauce might have stained it etc. making it as PRESENTABLE as best i could. my housemate told me "do you have to do that?" i replied "there are 3 criterias for a dish, presentation, scent and taste, i tend to emphasize on presentation quite alot.." she replied "yeah i know, seeing the pictures of all your ex-girlfriends i kinda got the idea."

it struck me again.

why do i care so much about good looks? is it another one of my "making an impression" attempts? then i realized, i have no reasons for wanting a beautiful looking girlfriend, i just do.. or maybe because i know that i am not a person who will love easily, but when i do i make sure i give it 101% worth of my spirit and effort. so is that then justified? since i make every try my last shot, isnt it only reasonable if i only go for the best? (i put alot of consideration on my partners ethics, personality and behaviour as well, mind you. im not ALL that shallow)

i know at this point this post has no coherence in any way but please bear with me

so why are we here? only told to study hard in the early stages of life so you can later enjoy the "fruits" of your labour? since primary school i was cycled to study hard, so you can get a good score and get into a good secondary school,then college then uni...graduate and get a degree in something you completely hate doing but you do it anyway because the pay is good, then study masters or doctorate or even claim the proffesor title, and after that, wait you dont get to enjoy it just yet...you have to WORK as a professor in a UNI faculty probably. work is hectic, you never get a break...sure your filthy rich but WHATTHEFUCK for? youre probably 55 years old and cant even keep an erection.

get married? is the other alternative you say? sorry blokes but theres no such thing as "marry a rich wife and live happily ever after". girls always, i mean ALWAYS play in EZY mode where the guys do all the chasin', all the wooing...you girls just sit tight and we guys would come waving our wangs at ya. wheter we succeed or not, lies completely at the hands of you ladies.

so you are succesfull? cool, you get loadsa money and BANG an airplane falls from the sky and a screw hits your head at 600kmph you die in that instant. OMFGZOR whatthe fuck happens to your 430billion dollars in your bank then? surely you cant "save" them and use then in your next life, or bring them with you to heaven or hell whereverthefuck youre going?

Christians are the funniest in that sense, judgement day comes and then whot? you get into heaven because youre baptised? muslims get to heaven anyway, you have 3 VIRGINS waiting for you. gee i wonder why did they emphasize so much on the VIRGINITY? you know? sure beats the hell outta me...your god isnt coming no more. even if he does, i would very much liek to talk to him.

him? and i wonder who the bloodyfucktard 1st coined god as a male? "our father in heaven?" what about them ladies? cant god be a she? this only shows how flawed religion is where it has been tainted by man/men. if god has CREATED humans to be equal (which i really dont agree with, the creating part) why are there more male politicians than females? more male chefs, more male musicians more male painters more males everything? did god take adams rib bone to MAKE eve? i dont think so, if thats really the case every women here owes me some bones.

so why are we here then? to make an impression so people will remember you for times to come? or do we live like plants waiting to be harvested by god's second coming? or are we mindless multiplying machines producing and reproducig ourselves so we can "continue" the human race?

me? up until now. heres my answer -im here to live, and have the best of fun while i can. call me a bigot but fuck you if you think im a bigot.