Against Yourself

You squint your eyes from the bitterness within-
the sour taste in the depths of your head.
Your layer of Patience running thin,
your sufferring far to great to be said.

You fight your instincts for something artificial;
Striving to know something you cant comprehend.
Putting all you love as a sacrificial
lamb to which the real lamb
-you cant apprehend.

Your reluctant journey you embark,
has lost your true Passion your true way;
The lights fade-the world turns dark,
the path beneath you vanishes
-you're left astray

Too far have you traversed this road,
impossible you may trace your feet.
The sense of haplessness overloads
too much,
even your heart has ceased to beat.

-KilllRoy

Lead Splinters

In a dark tube i lay await,

For the orders from beneath me.

Is it will or is it fate?

That these orders set me free.

In the rusted walls of where i freeze,

The stillness and silence all too fake.

A hole above for me to squeeze,

When the sleeping trigger becomes awake.

At last my orders hath come,

I rush above towards the light,

The fresh air ive tasted some,

While my body is in flight.

A round figure my direction goes,

I recognized-my enemy;my foe.

Inside him a world of red

-Im the bullet in my head.

-KilllRoy

Passion For The Flame

A piece of myself falls off me
My arms and feet detaches off
A wave of pain sets me free
-just like the self-incinerating moth...

-KilllRoy

More Splinters? Anyone?

These are...
"The First Steps Of Being an Unhappy Person"

1. OverhangOver Recipe
6 glasses of raw White Wine (doesnt matter which brand)
1/2 bottle (300ml) of smirnoff vodka
1 can of beer (extra, can do without if your weight is about 50kg)
do not drink any form of liquid other than those stated above (redbull, V drink included)

2. Purposely loose your phone the morning after doing step 1, so you cant call your friends for help. to really spice things up, loose your medibank card as well.

3. Have your exgf/bf tell you that he/she is going out with the person who is the very reason you guys broke up. do that at around 3am in a weekday morning, then you will feel so disgusted to go to sleep and stay awake all night.

4. listen and obey the saying "dont do what you like; like what you do"

5. (this one you really cant help it if it happens but...) get a brain freeze in your maths 2 paper.

6. be a malaysian and live in Australia since the exchange rate now is 2.9-1

7. Defend someone that everyone hates so everyone would flame you for your actions. (actually, this is fun =) )

8. get to engrossed in something and forget to eat..

9. Find out that you have spent 5000aud in the past 4 months, your debit card has bullet holes, and when you open your wallet, a moth flies out of it.

10. Drink redbull or V drink with an empty stomach.

11. play cah sou pao/circle of death/21, with coffee...very..thick...coffee...

12. have your skateboard bite you on the shin many times

13. have Jay whack your shin after that. (you will look like this XD)

14. ask about your HOI essay critirias AFTER you have handed in your essay itself.

15. wake up in dead in the morning to go to EAP classes...

16. ....and find out that class has been canceled..

17. read "The First Steps Of Being an Unhappy Person".

18. after bringing all the kinder buenos and cokes you want to buy to a 7-11 counter, remember point 6 and 9

19. see someone dressing up weirdly for the drama exam and remembered you havent memorised the lines yet.

20. open your apartment door and see your entire house is trashed by your dog, then think of what you couldve done to prevent it from happening ie; leashing your dog before going out but, nah, you are too lazy to do that..

21. exams are around the corner...

Age & Wisdom

Some say that ones age reflects ones wisdom. I used to adopt that concept but after overwhelming odds against me, I had my doubts but after I myself be a witness..I have abandoned that concept. before I go on, heres the conclusion- age does NOT reflect wisdom. as some of you might know, my birthday just passed, and i dont feel any wiser.. maybe the change is graduate, as in, as years passed it collectively accumulates ones "wisdom". i might not feel the change (though i want to believe there is. ;-p) over just a short period of one year.

At 12:02am. i was watching tv in cmc common room when my sister called, and i said "shat, another splinter.." and indeed it was, she said she had forgotten to bring her key from her friends place and asks me to go back just to open the door for her. it was raining very heavily.i grunted resisted and finally reluctantly left cmc and ran back home. Aloy and Jerry were like, "ok, i follow you la~" it felt weird but what the heck..let them come.. then when i approaced my building,behind a curtain of rain, i saw a girl with a jacket and guess what? - SHORT SHORTS. it was weird to behold because it was freezing. but, im home to open the doors for her, not give her a comment or two in fashion. i went upstairs together with Aloy, Jerry and my sister, opened the door and immediatly i sensed another presense- my room door was wide open, revealing the grotesque inside. and for the first time, i was disgusted by my own bedroom! then a few people suddenly lunged at me from my sisters bedroom while i was deep in my thoughts. they screamed a familiar phrase "happy birthday!".then they tossed a giant blue bag at me which later i discovered to be a bean bag (always wanted one..now the problem, where to set it down?hmmm..) my jaw dropped wide open. surprised but, delighted. =) Deesha, Emily, Eric (which said he wanted to go home earlier and i believed he did), Pei Ni (who had stomach problems earlier that night)were hiding in my sisters room. Everything, like a magically enchanted jigsaw puzzle, pieced themselves together. all the weird stuffs happening earlier that day (the sudden dissapearence of everyone) is beggining to make sense now. This is a birthday surprise that REALLY catched me off guard. =)

Such a Wonderful day, brought together by:

Deesha, the mastermind? hehe thanks =)
Devo, drink Corona! with lemon of course...
Aloy, Thanks for the Fable! its cool but i need time for that one,maybe later k? hope you dont mind?hehe
Thank You Angel, a VERY lovely t-shirt now hangs in my wardrobe =)
PEi Ni, thanks for the Tequila and all the lemons in your fridge! will get it back for you ya?
Thanks for the controllers Eric had supplied us to save Earth
Jerry for running around in the rain with me with his baG with broken strap!and grenading us to pieces!
George as a great Spartan
Vanessa for the sick bday card!yucks**but thank you.
Xiao Yun, you also contributed in the bean bag ya?thank you and get well soon!
and all the others who had wished me well, i wish the same to you all!

...you guys shouldnt have spent so much on me...

Somehow, my lightbulb no longer shines with its previous obsolete powersource. it runs on the happiness of you guys now.

Thanks for bringing the light back into my life guys. =>
as for me, i will try to be wiser k?but considering i dont know what a kitchen towel is, id reckon i have a long way to go..
To all FEb-bies and Julies- GOOD HUNTING IN YOUR EXAMS~!

Fading Lights

The lights in my corridor fade. One by one they abandon their cause to shine. they have had enough. i feel the same for me. A dark shroud always follows me, just beyond the horizon. Even the sun's light had dimmed where i stand. I can feel the cold earth through soles of my shoes..my skin oversensitively numb, i could feel evrything untill i have felt nothing more. my eyes cried garlic tears. for each drop that flows, more follows.. the blood in me flows in the other direction its meant to be, i am bitter. maybe the Betrayer is right. i AM bitter- bitter for my judgement. my heart crumples in its own weight, the blood flows not on it anymore, but by the boiling. then my bones rattle and shake, they need not hold my body no more, my body is held together by vengeance. my humane soul abandons me, just like the light in the bulb. i am an empty carcass. my mind has begged the body to cease, but there exists, a lifeless life within me. "i shall not rest" it said, then it continued "your enemies shall fall before you do". my death is inevitable.but your justice will before that.

An Entire Stake

The Skies boiled red
sizzling clouds, burning space

splitting earth, ending worlds.
anger brewing, hatred unfurled,
heart ceased, deaths haste,

the truth uttered,the devils said.

voice choked with suffering and pain

mine eyes glare with lament and sorrow

mysoul trapped in eternity-forever

my life and death a word together

from others their joy i cant borrow

then flesh and blood in the rain

enemies on the masses

in me my evil grows

in me my urge to kill

and to kill i will

in em my evil shows

my army readied on lashes

death to me is nothing

life itself is futile

survival is a must

for i fufill must lust

my life's title

-killing for soothing

the freedom you seek

the freedom i give

the liberty you own

is from me, you loan

your fate i shift

for you force is weak

behind me,

i close my door

to face your champion

win you'll see

victorious i be

your poisonous scorpion

has bled the floor

im born of vengeance

i thrive on violence

i live on despair

what you can spare

tremble- in my turbulence

our hatred-ancient

you shall not be forgotten

your missdeeds remembered

your woes still remain

you disloyalty in lane

my mind encumbered

my life force rotten

im really sorry about todays entree. sinister stuff. thats how i felt today. it is 6am in the morning. my anger and hatred twisted neyond recognition. i am hurt. in pain. i have been betrayed...

Blitzkrieg Monday

The sound of my phone was the first thing i heared today.I dont remember when i went to sleep nor i recall anything ive dreamt (or did I?) couldnt careless, all i knew was, theres a day ahead of me and ive got to walk-the-walk.

physics was the one and only class i had, dont know wether its a blessing or a curse. ive been slacking real bad lately.. haha, to spice up the class, Aloy and I made a truce-to see who can write longest in capitols lame but i tell ya, it was much fun!hard though. we exited the class with a sore palm each.

Kai! go girl!! you can do it!
hehehe =P
well...it was a blitz monday.. no blues. cool.

The First Shard

(9:43pm oct 31 Sunday)i never knew what a blog was until people started asking me "do you have a blog?". i will show them my puzzled face then they will say "go get one." i never really thought about it until somewhere between friday night/saturday morning, after Chocolate Club when Rub lost her handbag. Devo and I went to look for it. we walked the WRONG WAY! 2-3 blocks to and fro dead in the morning!! omg, if you were there, you would have laughed.even the pigeons were laughing at us. then Devo said, we can write a story about this, and i was like "hahaha, you can try.." then he asked a question i have heard many times -"do you have a blog?" and, for the first time, i thought "dang, i dont.." and so..here i am.

seriously, i cant rememebr what i did today..hmm..i did skate..(yay~! i can ollie past a deck~!!) ;-P still feeling fatigued by yesterdays late night skate run, by Fridays ball and club (everyones saying "A Night to Remember" yeah, guess one could say that..a night to remember indeed..AND the following morning as well, hehe)

too little to many things happened today, but, not much worth mentioning.After such a smashing weekend, it would take some event to really impress me at all..

i hunger for food.(9:52pm) i hope Aloy you guys come here quick, i take back what i said about lazy to eat!

ohh...speaking of the devil...here he is, off to dinner i go