Point At What You See

lol

courtesy of www.rotten.com

The Thread Knot Lynch

Ron said my blog is full of poems...hes gotta run away from it..
but guess what Ron?

HERES ANOTHER! wakakakakaka


Dust glides around the stagnant air and hovers around me,
A creak from the wooden beam above breaks the infinite silence,
With darkness so deep it robs the sight i see
myself -a product of subtle violence.

My body sways with the blowing of still winds
my motion and the creaking sounds a work of art-
a canvas potrait, a towering sculpture, a great symphony
vibrant colours, shapes and sounds with no dignity.

A thread around my neck
The same thread on the beam
my body void of life
or so it seems?

In my carcass where life exists
even my mind has begged it to cease
Is this immortality?
or is this a desease?

Would you come,
and snip away my false equilibrium?
would you cure,
my solemn delirium?

I am a vivid dreamer...is that what you call it? if you can control every single movement in the dream because you KNOW youre dreaming?

i could jump off cliffs, mow people down with FN-90 fully automated machinegun, hack and crack peoples bones esp my high school teachers, create money out of soil and said...you name it, i did it.

a gift? i would say yes, but recently (last night actually) i have lost this rare ability that i have.

for i have dreamt of a person i do not wish to dream of. thus i tried to kill her from my sight, banish her from MY realm of dominion. but i couldnt... the force is strong in this one.

the content of the dream wasnt bad, i mean...we did get along and everything, but that is actually the worst part, because when i woke up this morning, i felt like a millionaire turned beggar overhalf a night. boy did that sucked...

i may have sovreignity over the conscious world where i can block out unwanted fathoms, and i do not fear life itself. but when the world goes to sleep, the creatures of my past creep in on me, and stabs a steel-like claw into my kidney.

Permanent Captures of Fleeing Memories

there you go, the pictures ive promised...





i wont be bothered placing in any captions for all the pictures at the moment...so feel free to interpret them yourself.

Der Himmel Mich Bereit

Summing Up all the German words i know, i wrote something i havent done before...any of you who speak and write German, this should be a grammatical disaster, so dont bother :)


Ich,
Brauch Kein liebe dich
brauch kein du licht
brauch zerstöre mich nicht

kein brauch eure sonnenschien
ich brauch ganz allein sein
feuer eure schreie
wasser du frei

Brauch kein hilfe mich
ich brauch Erlöse mir

wo bist du
so ich komm kuss dich
Ich kuss dich Gesicht
so der himmel mich bereit

Anology of the Face

:) =S :( xD :P xP Dx :> =< >.> >.< ^^" =[ =o) +( xO =I
(>^^)> <(^^<) (>^^)> ;-( =B =E <:) @=o( t(-.-t) =$ T.T o.O" d=0) =P =) :9 *.* @.o =!

I Think I've Got It

Theres been some very disturbing things happening around me lately..but like every guy out there (who is, pretty much egocentric) would like to think hes going thru the worst Life could possibly throw at him...i pretty much feel that way.

I really hate that feeling too, when i am granted something, and i take it for granted only to sulk and hate myself a hundred folds more when i realized i have lost it. somethings that are given to us, are meant to be chrished -be it material, factual things, moments, events...even people. and i fave failed...time and time again to cherish these things that ive loved.

assignments dont make any of it easier, with due dates pushing in closer and closer, and having that small window where i was completely void of chore and yet having no one to share my joy with, completely sucks. the window closes soon as more assignments roll in and i relapse back to the great depression...the people around me suffer for that. it is very unfair but its something i am learning to control. its almost the Devil itself is using me as a capsule to spread the angry plague around.

this is thus the life of a Uni student. but doesnt that mean no one is happy? i was the happiest chap a week ago, but as my powerhouse left me a few days ago, i felt compeltely drained of my energy. ive lost the will to do anything fresh, be in fun or be it duty. homework has become some kind of distant thing i can hardly relate myself to (but in the end i still did), and the fun things that used to be fun...just isnt fun doing anymore.

was able to go thru Mongomory's backpackers hotel just now, seeing the streets paved a glow of ember by the street lamps, and the phone booths i used to call Jadyn in, just put a smile on my face, but knowing that those days are over and they are never coming back immediately robs my face of the smile i had a fraction of a second ago.

and then i stare down at my feet, where ive always been looking when i press the reciever to my ear and try very hard to bend the telephone cord when i talked to Jadyn... the little pebbles gettin crushed under my soles... now the pebbles are little fragments of my heart, gettn crushed even more by my soul.

Location, is a very powerful source for triggering memories here. i now look at every single thing with a different light and perspective. it is the same road sign i see on the way to Uni, the same stretch of road, the same bay and the same field...i know that deep in my heart...but even deeper, things have changed.

its a fresh, whole new feeling i have not felt before...or maybe i did but i just cant remember. its so familiar yet alien to me at the very same instant.

the faces are different now...the faces of my friends and acquaintences...
even the people i meet, no longer feel the same. on one sense it seals off any possible progress with some of my friends, but yet others, a million more possibilities erupted...like the birth of another universe where infinite chances of life is possible...very much possible.

but like what i have told everyone who has faced my problem at one point of their life, and those who have told everyone else before me...we can probably sum up a description of life in 3 words -It Goes On....its that simple.

Happiness is an elusive thing....but i think i got it...

Herstory

written around late Febuary/Early March on a sunny afternoon

For Jadyn...

A gentle knock on my door,
A swift breeze across my face,
She more gallant than the moor,
and even more elegant her pace.

like a quick tempest, an entire ship engulfed;
like an arrow leaving the bow;
like a candle the flames fast doused;
like vanishing footprnts, in the snow.

Though this keep was hastily built,
and the foundations laid fast,
the pillars and ceiling shall not tilt,
and the floors and walls will surey last.

So long into time this would stay,
till the flesh lon gone the ash remain.
till the poets no longer stray,
and his rhymes would thyme again.

A temperate palm in my hand,
these gentle lips on my cheeks,
tis the warmth of a lioness's den;
tis the love of love bird's beaks.

So came together this figure and me,
so long into time this would be,
our sails and tales and her story,
would surely go down...
in history.


...this letter never reached her hands

All Apologies

a moment of weakness,
a moment of temper
a moment of grim
a moment too dim

a moment forgotten and a moment then remembered
a moment discovered of a moment of lost
thats the moment of moments
-a monumental moment to my moment of defeat

a moment of silence
a moment of war
a moment of serenity
followed by a moment more

a lifetime of guilt
a lifetime of hate
a lifetime of teachings
a lifetime i ate

a lifetime of embraces
a lifetime of hugs
a lifetime of kisses
a lifetime of eye-stares
with a lifetime of love

a lifetime before a lifetime
a lifetime so long
such is the lifetime i bestowed to you
of four lifetimes more

a relationship lost is a loss of a lifetime
a lifetime said sorry
a lifetime of apologies
couldnt ammend my loss of a moment... so momentarily

a moment of a lifetime ive known you
yet it felt like a lifetime forever
like ive known you a lifetime before
and another lifetime after

cant lose anymore lifetimes
as lifetimes have numbers i dont adore
but a moment is always there for another moment,
wont you give me a moment more?

Winter Winds on Autumn Nights

A Distant gale invites herself into the Lake's realm.
where she harrasses but fortifies the water,
banishes what creture in it to the abyss below,
stills the surface from oar and row,
endangers the fluid, but safer later,
as the surface hardens in equal to the king's helm.

The townsfolk know this is strange,
as this happens usually when the white flakes fall,
but already too soon the ice forms,
over an Autumn lake breaking the norms,
the trees around still stood tall,
but the weather is subject to change.

Now a boy by the lake's smooth sliperry surface was drawn,
to release his passion over the frigid canvas,
little did he know the hardest above,
did not match those below and the top toppled into a cove.
as quickly as the touch of Midas,

the boy sank, into the abyss where the creature hid, the boy dies not to it but to the drown.

There The Muffin Lay

There In a bakery, behind the stainless glassed window,
There on a white ceramic plate, in a little buttercup
There,
the muffin lay.

There I stood, staring down at the delicacy,
Imagining the tastes of this single entity,
Thinking of the Luxuries of it melting down my throat
but there,
the muffin lay.

completely perfect, dead center of the clean amd glimmering plate
little did i know the steam reverbrates from it due to the content from within
little did i know the texture is unique to itself
but still,
there,
the muffin lay.

I proceeded to buy the muffin despite the warnings shown to me as intuition
and i had that glimmering plate now on my table
i tucked in my chair towards the edge of the plane
and as obediently as before...
there,
the muffin lay.

I picked it up with my long, slendger fingers
mingled it with my palm and thumb
grouped and squeezed it to have the feel
i was satisfied, exhilirated from the texture that resonates from it
now im my hand,
there,
the muffin lay

i placed it to under my face
the scent rushing up my nose
and my heart did race
as i was about to take the sinful dose

there in my mouth,
the muffin lay.

My teeth sank deep into the flesh
but soon hit the fiery, chili core
it scorhed my tongue and numbbed my tooth
it wet my eyes and it did not sooth

i throw the muffin back in disgust
and there it stood
on the glimmering plate as it did before
half-torn from its buttercup
crumbs now litter the more
but the muffin stood, as studious it could

the embers flowing from within
to without onto the glimmering plate
my feelings with the muffin shared
my condolenses as i did nothing, as the muffin bled

once again,
there on the glimmering plate
its fiery fillings on the dish the muffin shed

as i left...

thus ends the story of a hot-tempered muffin
deserving its fateful fate
no longer behind stainless glass and on a glimmering plate
no longer in the glory of its maker's make

thus ends the story of a hot-tempered muffin
deserving its fateful fate
seeing through the lasts moments of its day
there as obediently as before
the muffin lay.

Couldve Been Better...

Gouge mine Eyes
Them Food for Crows
Rip My Tongue
As my Error Grows

Pierce thy Heart
Break them bones
Shaft mine Ears
So the Silence strolls.

Burn my Skin
peel them soon
killed my kin
by wound on wound

Drain thy blood
to Rob my smells
of rosen' flood
where the suffering dwell

The Chalice of Life from which i Drank
poisoned me for love i poised
the truth so grim, dark and dank
and the peace i sought was none but noise

such misery doth come from time to time
but only when they run and flee
do i write this line and rhyme
to complete my sadistic glee

the iron maiden hugs me such
in a way of warmth feel free
to learn from pain and critical blows and much
is the key to the lock,

called

"joy amidst the misery".

Parallel's Opposite

have you ever had that feeling when all the 4 days worth of your crap that was JUST evicted from your body, shot back up your nasty end and continues to stay there for perhaps another week?

im feeling it now.

waking up this morning feeling like a god because all my work was done, only to be confronted with EVEN more work due next monday..

whoever gave me the notion that Uni life was easier than college life? deserves to be shot.

what is worse, i havent been able to talk to Jadyn for a couple of days now which is weird because we usually end our days with good night *hugs* and *kisses*... havent had that luxury for a couple of nights now..and i miss that dearly. its like the day isnt complete.

she isnt picking up nor returning my calls. i can only pray and wish for her well being. and hope that this post will somehow get to her but chances of it is grim...she isnt much of a blogger herself.

HuzzaH

know the feeling when you just dumped 4 days worth of crap from your system? know the feeling of pulling off a 1080spin off a half-pipe? know the feeling of walking out of an exam hall where your last paper just took place?

tell you whot,

im feelin it now :)

finally got all my assignments done. and i am liberated (for a brief moment as iknow more will soon follow) from the chore of studying.

its times like these when we need mintys...and say HuzzaH!

Opposite Parallels

what does King Charles, Oliver Cromwell and the English Revolution have in common?

they make whoever who reads about them have a craving for coffee.

having a time out at the moment.

it isnt the text that is hard to read despite the fact its written by english historians from the 18th-19th century, its not the excessive amount of reading you have to do prior to classes and assignements, its certainly not the boring, monotonous lecturer who tries VERY (very) hard to convince the students they have made a right choice of enrolling into HTA 101 (History)...

then what is it that makes this subject quite a pain?

i really feel like throwing in the towel for History from time to time,namely when i have to write the references for each idea ive harvested from another person who wrote the idea before me (bummer).

the havard in-text system was a pain enough, but its complexity is vastly dwarfed by the likes of this....weird...footnote....system which has become the convention for all history based subjects. "since 200 years ago", claimed my tutor. that only shows historians do not learn from the past but rather, they dwell in it.

now make a brief comparison between the two words...even the names and the accoustics show immense value of preference.

Havard = cool
footnote = uncool

foot-note? sounds like some kinda gum-stained McDonalds phamphlet that you obviously didnt want, stuck under the soles of your shoe. which is what this whole system is about actually.

at the bottom of the page where you wrote something, supposedly from someone else, you gotta stick this very irritating line, with the little "to the power of..." number at the back of the sentence.

personally i think referencing someone else's idea is compulsory, but there MUST be a simpler way of doing it.

okayokay enough ranting...back to work....work

*Screams and tears off head*

Reality hit me really hard on a really sensitive part of my very real body today

i just realized the gravity of the amount of work i had to hand in by next Monday. its like a giant-massive-object just loomed over my shoulders and despite the distance i could feel its pull on my blood and veins. so huge and black that it has eclipsed my joy of being able to enjoy...well the...less stressful things...

the funny thing is, i didnt see it coming =/

this unidentified celestial object is actually a collection of many not so little things. namely my Journal, which i did not valounteer to do, a History essay which i have no clue what im supposed to do, a Sociology Essay that requires me to write 3 things about MYSELF but based on the readings from another person's published book? (WTF#@$^$#%$pwned) and also the weekly case study i have to...erm...study... and my tutorial booklet was ninjaed by Jasmine, sure shes pretty but that doesnt mean i have to get into trouble for her =( (sucks that they changed the due dates from Tuesday to Monday...there goes my Sunday nights)

hope i can see her somewhere between Thursday to Sunday and ask for my booklet back

but now realizing the problem i have taken numerous steps to fight off this invasion. i hath armed myself with 300g of Coroka Golden Blend Coffee and 20 packs of Irish Breakfast/Classic Afternoon Tea variations and condensed milk to go with those 2.

yep UNi life is good.

Peter and Jane

Peter bought a gun, Peter told Jane to run, Jane ran, Peter shot Jane. Jane died

56k modem sucks

Distrust Doubt and Jealousy, May Scores Live in Infamy,

Morbid Dances without a Soul, Abscent Slaugther without a Goal,

Historys Bound to Repeat, It is human to Deceit.

Life's Clover we handsomely Tore, To make way for Bloodshed More,

Harbringer of Anger's Hate, Yet its Love we Satiate.

Corpses mourn malancholy, their wailing are sounds of Symphony,

Nevermind the deaftening cleft, mind the stench of age old death .

Placid Black with no rebate, even light cannot not escape.

A Falling Shard serves the Pain, Fathom the agony of the Rain.

to Chasms our friends we prod, on Brimstone our feet we trod,

Iron Maiden spikes beside, Iron maid, thorns Inside.

Truth from Beliel without a Lie, Wont You tell (your) god "The End is Nigh"?


-KilllRoy (cannot die)

Aluminium Can Collection

this post has nothing to do with the alloy that holds your coke. just an anology.


Distance Dampens


Im currently maintaining a distance relationship, and an incident today made me realize why is it so hard to keep one such a partner. wouldnt wanna go into the detail because that would show that i havent let go of the petty issues my girlfriend and i bumped into this morning, which i already had. so...

it was really a small matter, and an apology would do just fine, but me being a hard head insisted that i was on the right path. Jadyn <--(my pumpkin) didnt take likely to my reaction and things got heated faster than an electric stove. i know it wasnt something worth quarreling about when the chances of losing such a beautiful relationship with her is very likely. so i apologized. but it wasnt that convincing. no words can replace the embrace you can give someone you love, nor a light apology kiss and definately recieve the language of the eye.

such a little dispute was amplified further by the distance between us. and the effects were nothing short of devastating.

but this little coup ended with peace, harmony and love.

incase you didnt get it just now darlin, here i go again "I Love You (and dont you ever doubt that" (:


Washing Machine


yep my landlord was kind enough to buy us a brand new washing machine (i saw it come out of the box) but it wasnt until today i had the dire need to use it. well, i already require the services of a washer 2 days ago but i really didnt get the chance because my housemates have left their clothes in there. or at least any one of them did. today was no exception, i thought to myself "if there are clothes in there ima pull them out and leave them to die on the laundry floor".

i was terribly wrong.

i popped the lid and saw inside, a collection of mud stained linen. the waters were morbid and placid, it almost looked as if, if you would stick your finger into it, you'd lose THAT finger, not because the water was corrosive, but rather the filth was so intense you can never forget and forgive your finger for being there, thus you'd remove it with a kitchen apparatus.

french trench soldiers from world war 2 had cleaner uniforms.

Life Lessons

there is a saying "The World is a Classroom, The People are the students and Life is a Lesson in Progress without an apparent Recess in sight.)

no actually i made that up (i think)

being in an entirely new surrounding, much like going into a different lecture theatre, there are different lessons to be learnt.

so, for the 1st time in my life, i had to "share-a-house" with at first, complete strangers (even now they are, just not "complete"). even before that i had already anticipated certain things, they are bad unfortunately. i was able to sum up a few (in)valuable lessons about living with someone you dont relaly know and also a couple-o Do's and Dont's

Here goes:

10: The kitchen is partly(mostly) your responsibility, (even tho i dont use the kitchen at all because its filthy and full of (questionable) food) but unless your housemate says otherwise, its STILL your responsibility, thus you have to clean it even tho you did not participate in the messing-up-the-whole-goddamn-kitchen ritual.

9: so is the bathroom. im a sharpshooter when it comes to aiming at the bull in the bowl. and i have a 100% hit rate and efficiency. BUTTT yeah i have to clean it as well when someone misses their mark BECAUSE my housemates wouldnt bother laying their ass down on someone elses yellow and semi-dried out piss. i know, "what the fuck" is a common reaction and i completly agree with you on that.

8: to be courteous, you will have to endure the stench due to bad cooking practice by one of your housemates without squinting your eyes and covering your nose. the fire alarm doesnt agree with me tho; hes always the 1st one to openly protest and riot.

7: not all houses have sound-proof systems/mechanisms but some, (mine certainly) has sound amplifying properties. i listen to my music at night using headphones that are not connected to my ears. i know its hard to imagine but do try.

6: tightening the tap after use ISNT as EASY as you once thought it was. NOT to SOME people at least. apparently my housemates lack the wrist strength to completely shut off a running tap. the kitchen sink, bathroom sink, shower on the baththub, laundry utility tap, garden hose etc.etc. after their "midas touch" these taps would blissfuly drip away.

5: 1 year of psychology, 2 months of public seapking excercise and 15 years of literate life experience failed to help convey my frustration to my housemates regarding the subjects in paragraphs 1 to 10 in this post.

4: no matter how cheap your dinner is (8.80$, 6$, 5,50$, 4$) (some of) your house mates will still tell you its expensive to eat out, and home made food is still the cheapest and best. perhaps a futile attempt to mask the fact that his cooking is world renowned, and at his perspective, i think he meant "in a good way". worse if he trying to coerce me into eating his master-pieces.

3: you need to wake up almsot 2 hours before your class starts because you never know how long your housemates are gonna use the bathroom in the morning.

2: nope, the garden isnt their responsility. its littered with plaster paste, drinking bottles, beer cans, dried up mud from somewhere un-indigenous to the garden itself. heck you can put a corpse there and they wouldnt notice, or even if they did they'd probably say "oh."....period.

1: never ever leave your fucking towel in the fucking bathroom because some of your dim-witted, fucking retarded son of a panda housemates, can, and WILL use your fucking towel after their fucking *shower. (*definition of shower being: senseless splashing of running water all around the bathroom and soaping all the taps and window frames without later rinsing them off)



...no...seriously....

....more serious than Sam and Samantha put together...


thats all for todays lesson. please revise.