Horror-scope

I'm in the uni library, about to read up on the Napoleonic Wars.
I flip open the book, and phew, what a page-full. so i thought id get my brain warmed up before i really get into it... i read the blogs that i read, checked my e-mails, paid my bills, oh speaking of email, i have a subscription (free of course) with the Astrology.com guys, and heres my horoscope.

"Dear Roy,
Here is your horoscope
for Tuesday, July 29:

That brain of yours is making the right kinds of trouble again and you ought to be able to have fun while stimulating your intellect at the same time. If you're looking for love, try the library".

I AM im the library!

*looks around*

Betrayal is the Oldest Of Sins

Remember the time you lifted your heart to someone else’s chest, willing to give it to them for safekeeping, because there is nowhere else you want your heart to be.

For a brief moment you have Tranquillity,
For another moment there was Serenity,
But shattered your body, broken your mind,
When ultimately you find,
That which had made you will be the one who will break
You, as she called you- her “biggest mistake”.

Malaysia - Remember to Smile

Because I've missed orientation week, I had to rush all my enrollments in a single morning. Also, Because of the fact i was rushing, I had to cover a lot of distance in a very short amount of time, and because im running about, i "bumped" into a lot of people.

So, it happened right at the start, i opened this door to get thru, just so there was this other lady on the other side, wanting to come out... being a gentlemen that i am, *cough* i held the door open, and signaled through the glass partition for her to pass, she looked very delighted, lowered her head, stepped out and said "thank you" with a biiiiig smile on her face.


"that felt good", i said to my self in my mind.

Because its winter, well actually, its like that all year round - the uni hallways are filled with doors and tight narrow turns where the corridors end, very often bumping into people on the other side, they all either said "sorry" when they nearly hit me or vice versa (even when it was my fault for running obscenely fast into the turns) or "you're alright" or "no worries" when i said "im sorry" for being such a hooligan. All of which, are accompanied by a huge smile.

so, that day, i decided to count the number of thank yous, youre welcomes, and sorries ive received that day.

well, the total number i got was.... errrr... i lost count ...

..yep thats how many i've got..


It then made me think, of the time i was in Malaysia... there was this one time i went to 7-11, to get a drink to cure my hangover. upon reaching the door, because it was transparent i saw a middle aged couple walking out, i opened the doors, and held it there, waiting for them to walk out... but as they did, both man and woman did not utter a word to me, not even a smile. all they did was looked at me as they proceeded through, and on their face, it said "this is how it should be, little chinese boy opening doors for malay couples."

"maybe theyre having a bad day?" i consoled myself, embarrassed by my countrymen.

so i got my drink, went to the counter to pay, and i said "hello, hows it going?" at the cashier.

she looked at me, without saying a word, beeped the bar code, looked at me, waited for me to hand over my money, so i did, whilst doing that, she looked at me, head covered in a "tudung", gave me my change, looked at me, feeling awkward, i broke the silence by saying "thank you", but she, just.. looked at me again.

i took my change, and left. puzzled

going out, another dude was walking in, so i thought, lets try it again, i opened the door, and held it open...

not to my great surprise, the dude walked in again, without acknowledging me at all. , no smile, no thank you or whatsoever. what he DID tho however, was again look at me and the exact same impression ""this is how it should be, little chinese boy opening doors for malay people".

right then and there, i really wished i had godly powers, and bind his hands to the door- to be punished to open that 7-11 door for people for eternity. oh while im at it, id glue the side of his lips up so he would be smiling forever too!

before you malay ppl say i'm racially prejudiced, this has happened to me from all 3 main races of Malaysia. Chinese, indian AND malays.

have Malaysians forgotten how to smile? or the word "courtesy" does not exist in our vocabulary or conscience? I spend one morning in Tasmania, and i'll bet my left testicle i get more smiles from little courteous deeds that i do here than a life time in Malaysia.

Mountain Snow

Oh Mountain Snow, so Fair and White
Your Tender touch, your simple Joy,
Your cold, Frigid Bite,
Your impishness- like a boy.

Oh Mountain Snow, Why Shy Away?
Is it our Scorching Hands? Our Burning Glare?
Or is just the Sun Keeping you at Bay?
Or at the foothills you are Rare?

Come Hither Mountain Snow
To Drown our Blood, To Wash our Sins

Come Nearer Mountain Snow
Let us spill our remorse onto you..

...so with you it shall flow,
and evaporate from below...

It is Over

I start my car's engines, and it roars to life. The sun has set just moments ago. As i engage the 1st gear and release the clutch, i cant help but feel i have left something at the airport.

I give the throttle a jab, the car leaps forward with great finesse.
It is light, but my heart is heavy...

it was then flashbacks filled my head. The road from the airport back home, the yellow lines on the blackhighway- looked too much like the time i was rushing to Devonport to board the ship. Back then, my heart was filled with joy i smiled like an idiot. Going away from home just to arrive at another home....

Images, smells, tastes and presences filled my head...

..........................................

from the beginning...

The morning Melbournian skyline, the bustling city and beautiful cars on St.Kilda Road. Driving up Ben,Choke, Steven's drive way. that morning with Ben on the veranda... the 1st lunch in Orange House, Meeting up with Jason and Peishan, getting reacquainted with Pearly and Valery, it all seemed like just yesterday.

The movie marathons at Glen Waverly, the Air hockey games with William, the Battle gear games with Jacke, Shiro... Extorting money from the dealer at Crowns, also, watching and feeling the intense torches along the Yarra River, where Shiro wished for a bird to be scorched in its flames, the Burning Cigarette butt nearly hitting a perching seagull.

7-8 people crashing at Mckin's room, playing GT4 and ignoring our hunger pangs, the steak at that hotel on Lygon, the tom yum soup and gelato icecream in the freezing cold.

the immense parking bills... the shopping at DFO then stopping at Coffee Club for a Latte with bags under our seats...

The Great Ocean road, how Jason tailed William to both understeering and oversteering, How we froze our balls off waiting for water to sprout from a whales blowhole. The incredibly boring drive home, the pitstop at a picnic area, lying on the warm Civic hood, pointing at the stars pretending i know the constellations...

The Chocolate at Max Brenners, the Coffee at Swanston Street Starbucks, the Club Alumbra and our lame ass jokes and dances... the hangover meal at China Bar at 5am, evading police because we over filled our car with friends...

The time we all got drunk in Ben's room and started busting all our moves, Doing Michael Jacksons Thriller routine...

The Lunches and Dinner i had with MZ and Jacke, the mechanic and half-cut shop runs with Jacke and his UDM...

Watching and filming William driving Black Speedy...then near stalling, and near stalling and the final stalling of the car.

The Coffee/Gatorade Mix on the Clayton house back yard in the morning, scarmbling to solve that lvl 6 puzzle...

Picking Jason up at Avalon Airport.

The zerg/fast game fish and chips at Melbourne docks, the ramp going into the Spirit of Tasmania, again, the night skyline of Melbourne.

The Cruise, playing cards, ghost stories and personality talks with Valery, Choke and Ben... Waking up 1 hour later with a hangover without even drinking... prolly because of the poison i spat the night before... (Valery, sorry... if i was too brutal in what i said...)

The drive down from Devonport again, this time in the morning, along side Ben Lomond and the snow capped mountains, Subway at Campbell town, La Trobe's museum and antique shopping, the Roman Gardens...

Slouvakis and Mykonos, never tasted better...
Private rooms at Ball and Chain followed by the Epic Movie the Dark Knight.

Pei Shan jumping at the sounds made by the tour guide in Port Arthur's ghost tour... the hoggers on the road to Port Arthur.. The Tasmanian Devil's mechanical growl, the giant ass eagle trapped inside nets... trying to feed a very defensive wallaby...

The sub-zero tempretures at Mount Wellington, the snowball i pelted at Jasons jacket and him going "aaaaaaa oi!"

The Halo games, the crap talk in my room, Ring 2, Awake movies together, the ab tickling, fucking hell i havent laughed that hard yet that still before in my life...

The lunch at Saigon Kitchen..

"The Last Coffee" at the Hobart Airport, and cam whoring each other..

.....................

I pull up the drive way, parked my car, and looked at my passanger seat..

...my heart sank...

Looking at the drive way, it was only 4 days ago you guys were all here, praising the scenery... i looked across the Derwent River, its nothing spectacular... really..

it doesnt matter how great the sceneries are, its who you enjoy it with that matters most..

I take another glance, a pulsating light pierces the darkness above the city lights... i look at my clock, 7.08pm, the light- it is the plane you guys are on. So close yet so far... I wave, then salute, and nodded in full respect, pride and gratitude.

-------------
I Respect the men and women you have all become

I Take pride in having friends like you all

and Eternally grateful to have known beings of such grace and blunder.
-------------

I stare a little longer till the mechanical bird finally enters the clouds and dissappear into the night, and wonder if you are all looking back.

the clouds were kind enough to allow a few patches for starlight to come through. i look at them, some of them familiar, i close my eyes where the twinkling lingers in my mind. i concentrated fully, to imagine myself, being at Clayton, looking at the same stars on the same sky.

for a moment i succeeded, i opened my eyes in awe and comfort, only to return to where i really am, i look down, the birck tiles were familiar, yet goddamn alien.

Entering the door, the open sleeping bags, the untidy comforters, i hold on to them, trying to feel the warmth it harboured just this morning..

Four xbox controllers lie unanimated on the floor, and the familiar humming of the machine, i cant help, but give out a loud sigh..

Never had my room been so alive; bustling with noise, laugher and giggles... now all of a sudden - never have my room been so barren, silent and void of life..

an invisible tear rolled down on my cheeks, and my heart pumped hollow blood through my veins...

It is over, like the end of a chapter, a page turns to bury the one before it.. but like a never ending book, a new chapter flips in to fill the page, empty, stark, but full of potential - ready to be written again..

So Ive Been Thinking...

...you know in modern days, ie. today, and tmr, and the day after that, we humans as a species always have to make certain decisions which will affect our immediate future and beyond, like - buying a car for instance.

So, when you buy a car, or anything as a matter of fact, but id like to use a car as an anology because to most people, its a big investment, and will affect/impact your life for years to come, like say 5 years or so, which in my honest opinion is a long time - if you plan to live until 55 years old, you only have 10 or so "5 years" to spend.

so back to the topic, buying a car. of course there are certain criterias the car must meet - the make, the model, the looks, the price tag of course, the maintainence, whether or not the car will suit your needs or purposes you intend to use the car for - the list goes on.

say forexample, you just want to commute to work and back, a Honda Jazz would be your best pick, quite new, quite modern, quite cheap, quite powerful (for the said need), quite low maintainence etc...

on the other hand, if you plan to go purely for aesthetics, like an Alfa Romeo, theyre gorgeously beautiful, but, their flappy paddle gearboxes fail half the time, the electronics dont coincide with the price tag, and yesm speaking of price tags, they arent exactly - cheap.

Now, take what ive just said, and put it in a human vs human way. of course you cant "BUY" a human or a person, well, thats arguable because in some cases you can, but lets just disregard that. the closest we have to "owning" another sentient human being is by going into a relationship with them. Ie, girlfriends- Boyfriends, husband and wife scenario.

now, people, unlike cars, dont have their brand names stamped on their boobs or bonnets like cars do and have, how do we know then, which car/person, who has the same innards as we so desire?

the only way, after about 6 seconds of pondering - is to "Test drive" them,

but you never know too, because again, unlike cars, a broken part is always broken, whereelse in a human mind, a broken part can be hidden - *jeng jeng jeng*omnious music ques* until it is too late... quite often, people get stuck in the test-drive period because it just takes too much time and energy to decipher or find out, any parts that are broken or not in the fashion which you desire... boring....

and the only way to find out, after about 7 seconds of thought - is to ask them.

but god i wish how things are that easy.

if you want to "buy a car" (the 3 words in this post is now interchangeable with the words "get into a relationship with someone), that can hide its brokeness or specs, wouldnt it be easier if you can know, find out what make, model, lifespan, attention needed, maintainence/service is needed?

so if you want a girlfriend or boyfriend, or husband or wife, the latter 2 comes much later than the former, cant you just ask the same questions as you would have asked to the car-salesmen?

Questions like -

how long will this car last me? - (How long do you want this relationship to end?)

how much time do i need to spend servicing/maintaining the car so it runs on tip top condition? (How much time to i need to divert my undivided attention to my partner?)

How much money do i need to spend on the said maintainences? (How much money do i need to spend on my partner?)

How often does the car break down, how reliable are its electronics? (How fussy is my partner? how often does he/she throw tantrums?)

How careful do i need to be with the clutch and gear box? (How gentle should i be with my partner in bed or anywhere else?)

the questions and hence list goes on.

so, instead of spending hours days months or even years in "TEST DRIVING" someone, why not ask the car, straight off the bat, those questions.

But most important of all the said questions is...another question -

DO you want to buy the car? and suffer/enjoy the consequences?